Loving Kindness Overwhelms Empty Words
- Be careful what you wish for. It might come true. This is something that I've found to be probably more true in my 18 years of life on this earth than a lot of the other cliches of our time. I'm not sure where this train of thought is going so just buy a ticket and enjoy the ride. A couple years ago (I'm not THAT old) when I was slightly less mature than I am today (WOW. Thats a thought for you. Even less mature.) I was big into playing social games. I'd say things people wanted to hear and hear things people said the way I wanted them to mean. If you want a technique for getting into trouble real fast, that'd be it. I was reflecting on it earlier today and how some things that I said in 20 seconds could shape the course of roughly three months for the worse. Its odd how I could have gotten so wrapped up in myself that I could completly miss genuine sincerity and just play it off as no big deal deserving an equally empty reply.
I like to think I'm older now and above it but I'll catch myself now and then getting wrapped up in a world of colloquial meaningless and absudity. I don't let it dominate my life as I did so long ago but its no less dangerous. We need to watch what we say all the time no matter who we're talking to. Without our attention our words will make the worst out of a delicate situation. Flipping through my old journal I noticed a quote I put at the top of the first page. "If you can't be true to yourself, your out of people you can trust." Its ironic now, in retrospect, that it means something a lot different to me now than it did back then. I pray to God I can maitain an honesty with those I care for and myself and that I am myself and not an incarnation of what is expected of me. I'm a work in progress. Everyday another piece of me is completed and to extend a metaphor I stole from Emily Dickenson, another piece of scafolding is no longer needed to support me and is rendered obsolete. These are more random coagulated thoughts from the mind of Jay. Someday, I'll be able to tie them all together and life will take on a whole new meaning for me. In God's time. Life is a beatiful thing. It just... makes me think. I think to much.
- Little things make my days special and unique. Its the little blessings that will stay with me forever and will run through my mind in my last days. I'm gonna start posting some of them from my day as if anyone cared or could find something value in the ones specifically for me. If nothing else it'll be an attitude check for me.
Pink sweatshirts, cloudy days, distracted thoughts, priceless doodles that will be treasured more than any gold watch, insightful poetry that means something, knowing that I'm not alone on the path of self-discovery, clever wording, "wasted" time, sunshine on a wet sidewalk, a consoling cookie, the feeling of taking a deep breath of fresh air on a crisp, early morning, and the feeling of being an unworthy privilaged guy are all things that have made me happy today.
The Lord blesses the through his mercy. We have a loving God.
I like to think I'm older now and above it but I'll catch myself now and then getting wrapped up in a world of colloquial meaningless and absudity. I don't let it dominate my life as I did so long ago but its no less dangerous. We need to watch what we say all the time no matter who we're talking to. Without our attention our words will make the worst out of a delicate situation. Flipping through my old journal I noticed a quote I put at the top of the first page. "If you can't be true to yourself, your out of people you can trust." Its ironic now, in retrospect, that it means something a lot different to me now than it did back then. I pray to God I can maitain an honesty with those I care for and myself and that I am myself and not an incarnation of what is expected of me. I'm a work in progress. Everyday another piece of me is completed and to extend a metaphor I stole from Emily Dickenson, another piece of scafolding is no longer needed to support me and is rendered obsolete. These are more random coagulated thoughts from the mind of Jay. Someday, I'll be able to tie them all together and life will take on a whole new meaning for me. In God's time. Life is a beatiful thing. It just... makes me think. I think to much.
- Little things make my days special and unique. Its the little blessings that will stay with me forever and will run through my mind in my last days. I'm gonna start posting some of them from my day as if anyone cared or could find something value in the ones specifically for me. If nothing else it'll be an attitude check for me.
Pink sweatshirts, cloudy days, distracted thoughts, priceless doodles that will be treasured more than any gold watch, insightful poetry that means something, knowing that I'm not alone on the path of self-discovery, clever wording, "wasted" time, sunshine on a wet sidewalk, a consoling cookie, the feeling of taking a deep breath of fresh air on a crisp, early morning, and the feeling of being an unworthy privilaged guy are all things that have made me happy today.
The Lord blesses the through his mercy. We have a loving God.
posted by Jay | 10:00 PM
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