Back in the saddle again.
- Its shapin' up to be a long entry today. Sorry, I don't mean to bore you with the details of my week but this in essance my journal and I think my memories will be more useful to me in the future if I have somewhere where I can relive my experiences through the perspective of myself when they happened.
- Its been one of those wierd weeks. A lot has happened but I don't feel that way. Its gone by quickly and slowly at the same time and has been one of reflection on whats gonna happen in the future. Its been a week of academic meltdown as well. Missing essays and tests are gonna be a killer on my next grade report. It didn't help with all the school sponsored extra cirricular activities and meetings I've been attending. 2 Senior meeting with them telling us not to drive drunk, a Senior picture panaromic shoot that I slept through, 10 hours of interviews with potential jazz teachers are all to be added to me trying to finish my homework and have a freakin social life and down time. I know its selfish but my down time is important. It doesn't have to be much, just 30 mins of quiet, maybe a lil guitar to numb the throbbing overstimulation of the day. The jazz interviews weren't so bad. A lot of time but in hindsight I'm glad I did em. I learned a ton about the interview process and what people look for in hiring a potential employee. The three choices we sent on to Dr. Bull were all excelent, overqualifed men. One named Hugh Ragin left in me in a sense of awe. He's not exactly a jazz legend but he definitley is a jazz name. He was in our school's encyclopedia for heavens sake! Anyway, as far as trumpeteers go hes amazing. I love jazz music and I know good jazz when I hear it and hes got some good jazz. This guy is the quitessence of cool. He used all these great metaphors like "putting the dance in the music" "playing through the hole in you're head" and "playing through the combo, not over it". Very expressive. Pretty much the type of guy you think of when you think sexy oldschool jazz.
- Because all these meetings and assembly's, I haven't been to church in about a week. This is a long time for me if you know me as if I'm able, I'm almost always in attendance during whatevers goin on. I think its good for me though with as much time as I spent working for the play that I don't get burnt out. I also need to be focusing on finishing up these last couple days of school. 15 to be exact. Thats a terribly frightening thought. I love school and though I'm ready to be done, theres a lot of people that I won't ever talk to again once classes end. I still have friends to do things with, but I'll miss these people nonetheless. Plus, graduating really does close the book on a stage in my life and prepares to open another. I'm ready to move on, but lets be honest, we've got it good. My responsibilities even when I blow them out of proportion aren't anything in comparision to what I will face in the future. Mueling over this subject really brings me to look at the big picture of my life and where I'm going and how, we truely do only live once. I don't want to miss anything and if my life is moving fast now, think how fast its going to move as I begin to get older. I don't want to get to existential so I'll slow down before I blow a fuse.
- I'm proud of myself. I acomplished something I've wanted since last year and started working for since early December. I finally asked Kristen to the prom. For such an incredible girl she really gives me too much credit. She knows how to make an unworthy guy feel really special. I just enjoy spending time with her be it supporting Rachelle at her soccer game, shopping for a kiddie gift for my little sisters, shooting the breeze during our off hour, or wasting a couple hours just eatin pizza and watchin Alias. I wanted so bad to ask her in a way that was really really special and memoriable but before long she began gettin antsty and I don't blame her seeing as prom is just a little over three weeks away. She gave a ride home today and we hung out for awhile and I slipped a rose, a stopwatch to go off after a couple hours, and a note and poem asking her to go with me. I haven't been around to hear her answer yet but I think it'll be a yes seeing as she confronted me a couple days ago about not asking her yet. I told her to still let me suprise her. Honestly, I loathe school dances. I've had a date available for prom these last three years so that wasn't the issue. Its just I think that they are expensive and not a heck of a lot of fun seeing as I'm morally opposed to the drinking, drugs, and payoffs of prom most guys are looking for. Something is compelling me to go this year though. Part of it is the fact that she wants to go, but honestly, I don't think it'll be so bad. Senior Prom is one of those thing you only get to do once and its something I'll remember for the rest of my life; be that a good or bad thing. Shes such great company and so unique that it compells me. Theres just something about her that makes me want to be around her all the time. Since I stopped dating Audra, I've had a couple of flings, some more involved than others, but I didn't get involved in any relationships I could really consider an exclusive involved relationship. I think I've just been so burnt out from Audra when it comes to girls that I've been hesitant and unwilling to involve myself in anything serious because I just haven't felt that connection with the girl or sometimes the feeling of approval from God. I'd always shy away and stop putting forth the effort and that would always result in frustration from whatever girl I'd be upsetting and things would go sour. I know, its only Prom, but any kind of relationship with Kristen will be something that when I'm older, I'll be glad I didn't let pass me by. Plus, her family is sooo cool. They're such easy going genuinely nice people.
- Well, balls in my court to screw things up. I'm anxious. This is important to me in a way few things are.
- Its been one of those wierd weeks. A lot has happened but I don't feel that way. Its gone by quickly and slowly at the same time and has been one of reflection on whats gonna happen in the future. Its been a week of academic meltdown as well. Missing essays and tests are gonna be a killer on my next grade report. It didn't help with all the school sponsored extra cirricular activities and meetings I've been attending. 2 Senior meeting with them telling us not to drive drunk, a Senior picture panaromic shoot that I slept through, 10 hours of interviews with potential jazz teachers are all to be added to me trying to finish my homework and have a freakin social life and down time. I know its selfish but my down time is important. It doesn't have to be much, just 30 mins of quiet, maybe a lil guitar to numb the throbbing overstimulation of the day. The jazz interviews weren't so bad. A lot of time but in hindsight I'm glad I did em. I learned a ton about the interview process and what people look for in hiring a potential employee. The three choices we sent on to Dr. Bull were all excelent, overqualifed men. One named Hugh Ragin left in me in a sense of awe. He's not exactly a jazz legend but he definitley is a jazz name. He was in our school's encyclopedia for heavens sake! Anyway, as far as trumpeteers go hes amazing. I love jazz music and I know good jazz when I hear it and hes got some good jazz. This guy is the quitessence of cool. He used all these great metaphors like "putting the dance in the music" "playing through the hole in you're head" and "playing through the combo, not over it". Very expressive. Pretty much the type of guy you think of when you think sexy oldschool jazz.
- Because all these meetings and assembly's, I haven't been to church in about a week. This is a long time for me if you know me as if I'm able, I'm almost always in attendance during whatevers goin on. I think its good for me though with as much time as I spent working for the play that I don't get burnt out. I also need to be focusing on finishing up these last couple days of school. 15 to be exact. Thats a terribly frightening thought. I love school and though I'm ready to be done, theres a lot of people that I won't ever talk to again once classes end. I still have friends to do things with, but I'll miss these people nonetheless. Plus, graduating really does close the book on a stage in my life and prepares to open another. I'm ready to move on, but lets be honest, we've got it good. My responsibilities even when I blow them out of proportion aren't anything in comparision to what I will face in the future. Mueling over this subject really brings me to look at the big picture of my life and where I'm going and how, we truely do only live once. I don't want to miss anything and if my life is moving fast now, think how fast its going to move as I begin to get older. I don't want to get to existential so I'll slow down before I blow a fuse.
- I'm proud of myself. I acomplished something I've wanted since last year and started working for since early December. I finally asked Kristen to the prom. For such an incredible girl she really gives me too much credit. She knows how to make an unworthy guy feel really special. I just enjoy spending time with her be it supporting Rachelle at her soccer game, shopping for a kiddie gift for my little sisters, shooting the breeze during our off hour, or wasting a couple hours just eatin pizza and watchin Alias. I wanted so bad to ask her in a way that was really really special and memoriable but before long she began gettin antsty and I don't blame her seeing as prom is just a little over three weeks away. She gave a ride home today and we hung out for awhile and I slipped a rose, a stopwatch to go off after a couple hours, and a note and poem asking her to go with me. I haven't been around to hear her answer yet but I think it'll be a yes seeing as she confronted me a couple days ago about not asking her yet. I told her to still let me suprise her. Honestly, I loathe school dances. I've had a date available for prom these last three years so that wasn't the issue. Its just I think that they are expensive and not a heck of a lot of fun seeing as I'm morally opposed to the drinking, drugs, and payoffs of prom most guys are looking for. Something is compelling me to go this year though. Part of it is the fact that she wants to go, but honestly, I don't think it'll be so bad. Senior Prom is one of those thing you only get to do once and its something I'll remember for the rest of my life; be that a good or bad thing. Shes such great company and so unique that it compells me. Theres just something about her that makes me want to be around her all the time. Since I stopped dating Audra, I've had a couple of flings, some more involved than others, but I didn't get involved in any relationships I could really consider an exclusive involved relationship. I think I've just been so burnt out from Audra when it comes to girls that I've been hesitant and unwilling to involve myself in anything serious because I just haven't felt that connection with the girl or sometimes the feeling of approval from God. I'd always shy away and stop putting forth the effort and that would always result in frustration from whatever girl I'd be upsetting and things would go sour. I know, its only Prom, but any kind of relationship with Kristen will be something that when I'm older, I'll be glad I didn't let pass me by. Plus, her family is sooo cool. They're such easy going genuinely nice people.
- Well, balls in my court to screw things up. I'm anxious. This is important to me in a way few things are.
posted by Jay | 10:00 PM
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