Poor use of a Friday

- As they say, another day another dollar. I'm ready for this year to be over. I'm drowning in stress on a Friday night with no acceptable outlet. It was a nice thought for me to try and be responsible but I think more than anything I've just overwhelmed myself. I don't know if I can do it. I'm gonna be upset if it all falls through and just like always the cracks are showing. I guess it's all teaching me one of those mean lessons about life. A lot of times, things don't work out like you want things are never ever easy. It sucks being my age in my time. I have no resources, no avenues for escape, and few successes with nothing this society says I need going for me right now. I don't have any money, experience, or a well developed network. In the eyes of the job market, I'm worthless. The only place I feel I have a slight edge is heading toward a PhD but the more I want it, the harder it seems to get to even take myself to a point where they can consider me. I'm not giving up. Not yet, but man, I don't know how many more disappointments I can take.

- Its so daunting. Sometimes I like my chances, sometimes I don't. I dread the consequences of failure much more than I value the fruits of success. That's not healthy and is a terrible way to live a life. I hope things change. I hope they get better. All I can do is keep my nose to the grinder no matter how raw its getting rubbed and at least put the failure in the success of my fate. So that's what I do.

- Well I feel a little bit better. Thanks for sucking up my gloom poor blog reader. Chances are though, you're my age and either in my position or getting there so you can relate. Cheers.