In My Chevette
- I would just like to announce that as of today, (well yesterday since its one in the morning) my life is complete. On the way to the library tonight to study with Lindsay, I came up to a four way stop at which all four cars arrived simultaneously. Then, almost as if we had planned it, all four blinkers went on at the same time; all to the right. Again, almost as if planned, all four cars turned right at the exact same time as I let out a triumphant sigh. Words don't do this event justice. It was beautiful. Poetry. Like synchronized swimming but less gay. This has been a life long dream of mine since I was sitting through my drivers ed classes 16 years old, bored, and creating a bunch of hypothetical what ifs to help me pass the time. Ok, so by definition that makes it not lifelong. Sue me.
- Driving has been doing a lot for me recently. Saturday night before poker I was driving to Chipotle after it had been raining all day and there, canvassed against a dark grey sky was a full rainbow beginning to end, with no breaks or variations of color. The street was wet and the sidewalks seemed almost calmed and relaxed coated in a thin layer of moisture. There was enough of a break in the clouds to highlight the sky and the buildings in that gorgeous color right before sunset. The scene was seriously one of the most beautiful I'd ever seen. It was the kind of moment that makes you stop in your tracks and just soak it all in. I wasn't alone in noticing it either as everywhere people walking on the sidewalks stopped to stare at the sky.
- Then tonight, a little before the miracle of the four way stop with John Mayer pouring out the speakers I just sat and reflected as I drove at how I'm one test away from being halfway done with college. And I realized that this fact doesn't make me sad or make me happy. I also realized that this fact, for me, is ideal. If I was happy or sad about the idea then I think I would have had to have either been wasting my time here, which would make me sad, or the years would have been just dragging on making me happy I'm hitting a milestone. Neither is true. I never thought that I could reach a point where I had no regrets. I always assumed I was doomed to live in a world of what could have been's and what won't be's, but that wouldn't be fair to what I have now. My life is different, things have an impeccable way of changing, but it’s defiantly not worse. The past is boring, it’s already happened. The future is where our focus should be. We don't get much time here and it sometimes feels like mine is slipping away, but who needs more time when you're living what you have now to the fullest? Everyday I get a new lesson in what it is to be human and God knows that alone is one of the greatest gifts a person can have.
- I hope I never forget that.
- Driving has been doing a lot for me recently. Saturday night before poker I was driving to Chipotle after it had been raining all day and there, canvassed against a dark grey sky was a full rainbow beginning to end, with no breaks or variations of color. The street was wet and the sidewalks seemed almost calmed and relaxed coated in a thin layer of moisture. There was enough of a break in the clouds to highlight the sky and the buildings in that gorgeous color right before sunset. The scene was seriously one of the most beautiful I'd ever seen. It was the kind of moment that makes you stop in your tracks and just soak it all in. I wasn't alone in noticing it either as everywhere people walking on the sidewalks stopped to stare at the sky.
- Then tonight, a little before the miracle of the four way stop with John Mayer pouring out the speakers I just sat and reflected as I drove at how I'm one test away from being halfway done with college. And I realized that this fact doesn't make me sad or make me happy. I also realized that this fact, for me, is ideal. If I was happy or sad about the idea then I think I would have had to have either been wasting my time here, which would make me sad, or the years would have been just dragging on making me happy I'm hitting a milestone. Neither is true. I never thought that I could reach a point where I had no regrets. I always assumed I was doomed to live in a world of what could have been's and what won't be's, but that wouldn't be fair to what I have now. My life is different, things have an impeccable way of changing, but it’s defiantly not worse. The past is boring, it’s already happened. The future is where our focus should be. We don't get much time here and it sometimes feels like mine is slipping away, but who needs more time when you're living what you have now to the fullest? Everyday I get a new lesson in what it is to be human and God knows that alone is one of the greatest gifts a person can have.
- I hope I never forget that.
posted by Jay | 1:01 AM
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