Let it Drop

- I'm havin a bad deja vu. Its different this time around though. Its really wierd. I've seen places I go in dreams I had a long time ago. Coincidence I'm sure. Its probably just my mind playin tricks on me. It bothers me sometimes. Not a good feeling. Its like little flashes of painful bits of my past haunt me at random times during my day. It brings me down.

- Another thing that bothers me is how sometimes I feel distant. Like I'm living in a daze. Almost outta body in feeling even if not in actuality. I think its because since high school ended, I've felt disconected and out of place. My mind is somewhere else. Theres just something that I want so bad for my life. Its hard. Its difficult. Its not easily attained. And worst of all... its so close. Someday I'm gonna get off my pedestal and humble myself. I need more humility. And responsability. I think I'm fairly irresponsible.

- Really, I'm not in a bad mood. Just one of those contemplative moods. I just hate feeling like I don't deserve all I've been given. I know I don't but that doesn't make it any easier. I see myself as a fat cat sometimes. Full of blessings and selfishly ungenerous with the gifts I've been given.

- This comming month will be a test for me. I hope I hold up. My futures beggining. I just hope it doesn't start without me.