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- Man, my stomach hurts. Its a pain from something that's making me upset and I don't even know why. Well, I know why I'm upset, but I don't know why I'm letting it make me upset. I know exactly what it means and what the implications are and I'm confused about how I'm supposed to feel about those implications. I hate it and I love it and I'm afraid of it and I don't know what I'd be without it. I've set myself up for either bliss or the greatest fall of all time. And until something happens I'm gonna go through this many more times. This awkward confusion, constant second guessing and insecurities coupled with moments of unbridled confidence and an attitude of an at ease complacency. I'm turning into a walking contradiction. I want to know what happens in the next chapter of the book right now and even though that's not how things work in life, when I'm not reminded why I haven't given up already every few hours I get upset and anxious and irritable. I live for little things and occasionally people, usually my family, accidentally takes pieces of them away from me and I get set off. And then my stomach hurts.
- Anyway, tonight was fun. I saw Cliff and Jared and we hung out at Jason's. My heart wasn't really into pool and the car rides there and back were probably better than the actually hour we had the table rented. Being cramped in the back of Cliff's Integra talking and laughing with my boys is one of my favorite things in the entire world. Jared got a call from Jacquie, as usual, during one of our last couple games and came back from it fuming. Jacquie's dad apparently doesn't really like Jared and set an 11 curfew for whenever hes at her dad's house. Jared was upset about it and complained about the dad for the car ride back and after Cliff told me a story about when he filled in on the man's softball team I can't really argue that he is a character. Still, he's just being a dad and listening to the stories reminded me of some of my darker days with Audra and the effect it had on my family life. Jared's smarter than I was back then and I think some of his complaints are definantly valid but the errie resemblance to my experiences made me worry about him in the case everything with Jacquie might fall apart. The ride also showed me how I've changed since last summer and how Cliff and Jared have changed to. Its not good, its not bad, its just unusual to think about. They're still two of my best friends and I don't know what I'd do without them.
- I get to watch adult swim tonight cause there's no work tomorrow. I also get to sleep in and then there's the Rockies game with Courtney too and I can't wait. I haven't been to a game since the begining of summer break with Jeff and Kim and its going to be a lot of fun hanging out with C-Train. Water World Friday's still a solid maybe and Thursday Brittany's time fell through or if nothing else is on serious life support because gas wise, is doesn't make since if we're gonna hang out on Saturday anyway. Cliff and Jared might go on Saturday too along with Britt, Brittany, Jeff, and I and I'm excited about that possiblity. I think Cliff and Jared would mesh real well with the other three and people'd finally be able to put faces to names. Anybody else that wants to go just talk to me. Its cheap fun and is a great way to make a good summer memory.
- Ok, I've got the muncy's and Futurama is on. Goodnight.
- Anyway, tonight was fun. I saw Cliff and Jared and we hung out at Jason's. My heart wasn't really into pool and the car rides there and back were probably better than the actually hour we had the table rented. Being cramped in the back of Cliff's Integra talking and laughing with my boys is one of my favorite things in the entire world. Jared got a call from Jacquie, as usual, during one of our last couple games and came back from it fuming. Jacquie's dad apparently doesn't really like Jared and set an 11 curfew for whenever hes at her dad's house. Jared was upset about it and complained about the dad for the car ride back and after Cliff told me a story about when he filled in on the man's softball team I can't really argue that he is a character. Still, he's just being a dad and listening to the stories reminded me of some of my darker days with Audra and the effect it had on my family life. Jared's smarter than I was back then and I think some of his complaints are definantly valid but the errie resemblance to my experiences made me worry about him in the case everything with Jacquie might fall apart. The ride also showed me how I've changed since last summer and how Cliff and Jared have changed to. Its not good, its not bad, its just unusual to think about. They're still two of my best friends and I don't know what I'd do without them.
- I get to watch adult swim tonight cause there's no work tomorrow. I also get to sleep in and then there's the Rockies game with Courtney too and I can't wait. I haven't been to a game since the begining of summer break with Jeff and Kim and its going to be a lot of fun hanging out with C-Train. Water World Friday's still a solid maybe and Thursday Brittany's time fell through or if nothing else is on serious life support because gas wise, is doesn't make since if we're gonna hang out on Saturday anyway. Cliff and Jared might go on Saturday too along with Britt, Brittany, Jeff, and I and I'm excited about that possiblity. I think Cliff and Jared would mesh real well with the other three and people'd finally be able to put faces to names. Anybody else that wants to go just talk to me. Its cheap fun and is a great way to make a good summer memory.
- Ok, I've got the muncy's and Futurama is on. Goodnight.
posted by Jay | 10:58 PM
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