Come to My Door

- I'm in such a terrible need for a change of scenery. Things aren't even to bad right now. Besides my minor complaints about my job, that's going well. I complain about not seeing as much of my friends recently, but most of that is on me (and a little is on work). Really, if I just make a slight effort I could be as busy as I was a couple weeks ago, yet all along I know I won't. Family life is as good as it has ever been this summer ever since we got the gas issue resolved. Still I need to get away. Not even necessarily to Fort Collins/moving out. I hate the routine I've worked myself into this summer, but I hate it even more because it doesn't belong to me. Everything I do, every relationship I've made, anything I establish will be gone or at least altered once the summer is over and that keeps me from investing myself 100 percent into anything. Especially when it comes to people. Everything from old friends I rediscover, to good friends I bond closer with, to new friends I make; I put a little something in there that kinda puts things on hold until I have a life that's mine again. Its terrible for me because even though I have my homebody tendancies, I am a very social person. I thrive on others more than any person should and this pattern is tough for me. I'm not sure how to handle it and my insecurities thrive on this limbo of present and future.

- Its just one of those downer weeks and I'll snap out of it sooner or later. Its the blah times that make the good times so sweet but it doesn't make the blah times any more fun. I'm just fighting so many different desires and fears, ironically more than last summer and these things typically tend to work themselves out. I need to relearn a little self sufficiency for the next couple weeks and in the end I'll be fine.