Iridescent
- I was having trouble sleeping last night. I was just flat out restless and unable to get comfortable so I got up, played a little guitar to try and quiet my mind a bit. After getting a glass of water and putting the guitar away I laid back down on my bed and as soon as I did one powerful image from my childhood flooded my mind as if someone forced it on me:
- It was from a time as a kid when I was living in Lubbock late in a summer afternoon. I'd been playing in the front yard all day with my sisters throwing those big round sycamore seeds at each other after loosening up the stems so they'd explode when they hit someone. Everyone had long since gone inside at this point and for some reason I was crawling around in the white Chevy we owned at the time. I discovered the seat reclined and decided to play astronaut and pretend I was taking off in a spaceship to the moon by reclining the seat really far back and staring out the window at the sky. Right as I did that how tiring the day was hit me and I just laid there watching the leaves on the sycamore tree wave in the wind as the late afternoon sun danced in between them and lit each one up like a dull green light.
- The memory relaxed me and allowed me to finally fall asleep after three hours of tossing and turning.
- When I woke up this morning a bit of me became really depressed. If I can take the time as a little kid to stop and recognize the simple pleasure of summer afternoon, why do I have so much trouble slowing down as a young adult? Thinking about my day today, from nine o' clock when I first rolled into my class to just now when I finished studying I was literally running from here to there barely taking time to eat lunch much less enjoy one the first crisp fall days of the season. And as much as I got done today, it all feels like a waste. I guess I don't know what I expect of myself. I really can't afford to slow down without letting things slip but real life; like real life to me was sitting in the reclined seat of that Chevy watching the day and really realizing the miracle of everything around me. I started a sketchbook a couple weeks ago to try and get those moments down before I let them slip into nothing.
- It all goes so fast sometimes, I just don't want to miss any of it.
- It was from a time as a kid when I was living in Lubbock late in a summer afternoon. I'd been playing in the front yard all day with my sisters throwing those big round sycamore seeds at each other after loosening up the stems so they'd explode when they hit someone. Everyone had long since gone inside at this point and for some reason I was crawling around in the white Chevy we owned at the time. I discovered the seat reclined and decided to play astronaut and pretend I was taking off in a spaceship to the moon by reclining the seat really far back and staring out the window at the sky. Right as I did that how tiring the day was hit me and I just laid there watching the leaves on the sycamore tree wave in the wind as the late afternoon sun danced in between them and lit each one up like a dull green light.
- The memory relaxed me and allowed me to finally fall asleep after three hours of tossing and turning.
- When I woke up this morning a bit of me became really depressed. If I can take the time as a little kid to stop and recognize the simple pleasure of summer afternoon, why do I have so much trouble slowing down as a young adult? Thinking about my day today, from nine o' clock when I first rolled into my class to just now when I finished studying I was literally running from here to there barely taking time to eat lunch much less enjoy one the first crisp fall days of the season. And as much as I got done today, it all feels like a waste. I guess I don't know what I expect of myself. I really can't afford to slow down without letting things slip but real life; like real life to me was sitting in the reclined seat of that Chevy watching the day and really realizing the miracle of everything around me. I started a sketchbook a couple weeks ago to try and get those moments down before I let them slip into nothing.
- It all goes so fast sometimes, I just don't want to miss any of it.
posted by Jay | 7:23 PM
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