Stubborn Harmony
- Wow. How am I supposed to react to that? It makes me a combination of really sad and really angry, yet really powerless to help. That feeling of being useless every now and then is something that is taking getting used to in my life in general. I don't think I have less control over the situations, I just think I'm just coming to terms with the fact that they don't belong to me and as much as I'd like to, I can't help. Or maybe I can. Maybe I can just stop being so incredibly selfish. The biggest thing on my mind throughout was how self absorbed I've been recently. I may not be able to fix anybodies problems but that doesn't mean I can't be around to help out. I'm glad I'm home. And I'm glad I decided not to go to bed right away even though its pushing 2 as I'm writing this.
- Seeing the Denver skyline pop up over the hill as I headed down 25 south followed by the lights blanketing commerce city had an unusual effect on me. They weren't welcome. The ingredients were there; traffic was light, the music was good, the car was running smooth, my thoughts were roaming, yet for the first time since I started that drive, I resented all of it. I know why. I won't let my mind take this from me. It has before but it won't again.
- In other news I'm glad she misses me. I want her to have a good time in Reno but if she didn't miss me or if I didn't believe her when she told me she does I'd be less comfortable with how upset I am that I'm not with her. Its a long forgotten feeling I'm rediscovering and its an uncomfortable ride. Weird that I'm loving every minute of it.
- What a weird day. Over the last 24 hours I've been in, to my count, nine or so completely different situations. From catching up with a friend to an old school movie night to work to a contemplative drive to a party to class to listening to music in my room in FoCo, to being angry at Qdoba (again), to driving with Jeff to Greely, to here sitting in my old chair late night at home and actually a few more I won't waste time mentioning. Its a full weeks activities crammed into a day. And if you can't tell by the shifting tones in this post, I've got a mood to match each one.
- But one mood prevails in my life over all others: Life is good. I'm sure there'll be times over this next week that I'm down, but even then, life is good.
- Seeing the Denver skyline pop up over the hill as I headed down 25 south followed by the lights blanketing commerce city had an unusual effect on me. They weren't welcome. The ingredients were there; traffic was light, the music was good, the car was running smooth, my thoughts were roaming, yet for the first time since I started that drive, I resented all of it. I know why. I won't let my mind take this from me. It has before but it won't again.
- In other news I'm glad she misses me. I want her to have a good time in Reno but if she didn't miss me or if I didn't believe her when she told me she does I'd be less comfortable with how upset I am that I'm not with her. Its a long forgotten feeling I'm rediscovering and its an uncomfortable ride. Weird that I'm loving every minute of it.
- What a weird day. Over the last 24 hours I've been in, to my count, nine or so completely different situations. From catching up with a friend to an old school movie night to work to a contemplative drive to a party to class to listening to music in my room in FoCo, to being angry at Qdoba (again), to driving with Jeff to Greely, to here sitting in my old chair late night at home and actually a few more I won't waste time mentioning. Its a full weeks activities crammed into a day. And if you can't tell by the shifting tones in this post, I've got a mood to match each one.
- But one mood prevails in my life over all others: Life is good. I'm sure there'll be times over this next week that I'm down, but even then, life is good.
posted by Jay | 1:14 AM
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