Jury Duty

- I'm back in Fort Collins after my Arapahoe County road trip. The census enumerator test went well. I got a 100% on it which heavily bolsters my chances of getting the job in the spring. Jury duty went okay too I guess. There ended up being no cases needing juries today so after two hours after I got to the courthouse everyone was dismissed and I didn't get put on a jury for a trial. This wasn't ideal. I would have preferred to get put on a jury and gotten to miss work the rest of the week but it could have been a lot worse. I didn't have to be there all day and THEN not get put on a jury. If I'm truly honest with myself it's probably for the best that I didn't get selected. With only a month left in my internship and a boss that has been becoming more and more of a ghost, work has gotten a lot less interesting. Missing the rest of the week would have made it real difficult for me to regain my motivation going forward up until Christmas.

- The trip home was much needed. My batteries were drained and my spirits were getting down. It was good to get out of Fort Collins for a little bit. I still love it up here but being out of school, the town has a much smaller hold on me than it used to. I'm growing up and part of that process is letting go bit by bit of everything I refused to before. The trick here is finding the next thing for me to love.

- I'm thankful for my family. I always know I can go to Aurora if I ever just need to get away and recharge. Its nice seeing how we are growing closer together even as we move farther apart. I'm also thankful for Kimbre. We've come a long way in our relationship and we're still learning but it's amazing seeing the ways how we become better friends and closer together everyday.

- And I'm thankful to be alive. Everyday.

Mid November Already

- I thrive on feedback. Its hard to right the course of your life without it. I've decided this is the source of all my frustrations with my job and the backdrop for that nasty feeling that plagues disappointments and causes concerns. If I just hang in there it'll all be alright. In about two months I'll have more feedback from more places than I know what to do with, but until then I've got to keep myself diligent and focused. All that said I think I'm doing alright about it.

- Somethings up with me and I know I have something to say but I just can't figure out what it is. I keep second guessing everything and expecting so much for myself and my future. I even second guess whether or not this is a problem. Since when have I set the bar for myself so unachievabley high? And why have I been doing it? Maybe it'll end up paying off but for now the grey hairs its giving me are just not worth it. Maybe that'll be my project this week. Adjusting my perspective. Starting now.

-I'm feeling good today. :)

Early November and Moving

- One thing after another. Taking punch after punch. I'm still standing though and I'm proud of that. It was nice hearing from my mom about how life was for her and my dad when they were my age. Sometimes that's how life is but look at them now. They've made it. They're balanced, wealthy, grounded, and successful people. But more than anything I see them as wise. They know whats important, what matters, how things work. Everytime I go to them for advice or just to talk I always walk away with things better in perspective than before which is something I used to take for granted.

- So I guess I'm feeling okay. When I look around my room I'm proud because no matter how tough things can be financially, I'm here and I'm on my one and its on my own ticket. My money puts a roof over my head and food in my belly. It won't be enough to last forever, but for now, I'm making it and thats good enough for now.

- Hanging in there.