Is it July?

- I hate losing things. Hopefully I find this one.

- I'm coming to the end of my first week of working at the internship. I like it though there are times I feel like I really could be doing more than I am. I've started looking around for a second job and plan on canvasing Loveland next week to make it happen. Its a pretty stressful transition I'm undertaking and even though I have quite a bit of time before I really need to get down to business, it feels like I'm running out. Change is tough. I think the situation will be good for me in the long run but for now I feel like I don't have a lot of options. I go between states inspired motivation and exhausted frustration and the good times never seem to last as long as the tough.

- The stresses probably aren't helped any by the fact that I've just been cruel to my body regarding my sleep schedule. I've been having trouble sleeping anyway, but getting in late and waking up as early as I have been just hasn't been a good idea. I plan on catching up a fair amount when I go home this weekend. If nothing else a quick change of scenery might do me well.

- I'll feel better about everything once I've established myself. That little piece of independence I'll gain by providing for myself, however modest, will be a good start and will establish my confidence that I can, in fact, do this. I've renewed my interest in pursuing my PhD and with the experience I'm gathering with the internship I feel better about my odds than ever. I kind of tested the waters asking for some advice from my old professors. Scraping out a living will buy me enough time to get serious and apply in force. I'll have the time and the resources so that's a nice feeling. It gives me some structure, however thin, that I can look forward and plan a little farther into my future. I wish I wasn't so stubborn with the whole thing. I won't feel the same about it unless I can do it myself. I just hope that's not holding me back.

- All in all I've got good things going on. The lessons I'm learning are priceless and are teaching me more, faster, than any time I can really remember. Always the optimist.

Suite E

- Ahh, the nostalgia of blogging in this old blue chair late at night with the rest of my family in bed. I've come a long way since I started this blog almost five years ago. Things have changed for me in such a dramatic fashion. There are a few people who have been there the whole, even fewer who didn't change too in the process but here I am.

- I have a job offer. Its not completely finalized but its mine to lose. Its nothing I ever expected to be doing 5 years ago but its something I can see myself becoming. Its an intimidating concept, all this change. As I go back and reread some of my more melancholy posts they all seem to have 'change' as the underlying antagonist. I've had things, people, and places in my life I've lost that I loved and cherished so deeply only to be exchanged for new things that I now love and cherish just as much if not more. We're pretty selfish creatures, never wanting to lose the things we have while wanting the things we used to. My freedom will come from accepting the changes, not being afraid of the unknown, and allowing myself to develop regardless of the come and gone. Its tough though and the bad economy doesn't make it any easier.

- And when it all comes full circle and I take things into a hard perspective, I always remember how blessed I've been. I hope I never lose sight of that and become that little spoiled stepchild I know I have the potential to be.

- My friends are great, my family is strong, my girlfriend is loving, and my future is wide open. I pray none of that ever changes and if it does to accept the unchangeable for what it is.