Send Me Letters

- I'm at camp right now and I have a million and one things I could talk about but I won't bother you with the tedious details. In the week and a few days that I've been here my life has been changed many times, for good reasons and bad. I've laughed till I cried, puked everything I had from the most intense pain I'd ever experienced. I've enjoyed the company of a new gang of good friends, I've collapsed of exahustion and suddenly I realize exactly how much work my salary is attempting to cover and how tiring a day here can be.

- I'm having an adventure for sure. An adventure that really hasn't even started yet as I look ahead at what I've got in front of me. A lot of work is ahead too but who else is going to be able to say they backpacked through the Canadian wilderness for a week or took a five day biking trip down the Maine sea coast, much less both. I've already climbed mountains and experienced a cabin full of 14 year old boys jump up and down to "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson and all of it makes me realize that I'm only scratching the surface of human existance and that's all I could ever hope to do.

- Peace.

Leave Behind the Rest

- Well here I am, half an hour until I leave for the east coast. All my goodbyes have been said and over this last week I've proven to myself that I have some mighty bigs guts, win or lose. I've done things for myself recently that 6 years ago would have been nothing more than a day dream.

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- I'm kinda nervous for my guitar. I don't want her to get hurt on the plane ride over and if I do, in fact have to check her, I've got a bad feeling about it. I'm also a touch OCD feeling that even though I've double and triple checked, I'm going to forget something important. I don't really have an legitimate reasons to worry though; from the first impressions I've gotten from the interview process and what not they've been doing this for a long time and I'll be ok if I miss something little.

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- I'm not sure how much internet access I'll have for the rest of the summer, and what I will I have I'm going to try and cut myself off somewhat. Its time for me to get away for awhile. Ya'll should without a doubt send me letters though. I'd mean a lot to me and help me out so far from home.

Jay Hardy

1000 Cape Moonshire Rd.

Piermont, NH 03779

No phone access. Sorry.

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- The rest of me is just excited. This is going to be one hell of an adventure. I'm putting a lot of my eggs in this basket so hopefully all goes well.

Right Behind You

- Working at camp this summer has been a God-send for me. Perfectly timed and formated to fixing me. One of the worst feelings to me is feeling like I've stagnated or worse yet am recessing. I think just the fact that this is such a big deal to me is one of my biggest character flaws. It seems like I'm one of the only people I know held down so consistently by existential tendancies. Its embarassing really but theres nothing I can do about but just keep moving to make sure I don't get stuck. Getting stuck is something I seem to be really good at.

- I'm nervous, I'm not gonna lie. So many things have to go smoothly and recently smooth doesn't seem to be my strong point.

"I don't feel like I'm living in the same skin anymore"

- Maybe I'll find a passion on the east coast. Driving around today listening to a song by Josh Woodard which has become a guilty pleasure for me I realized that about a month or two ago I murdered the one passion I had, half out of anger and half out of necessity. Don't worry, I'm not going to go all emo on you, its not a depressing state to be in, if it was then maybe the necessity part would be derived in pride. The feeling is more of a stale one. As if I'm bursting at the seams with potential to be something and I just can't find the spark; the lock to get me out of my box.

- I want to do it all. And I'm going to. But as much as I tell myself otherwise, I'm still working towards having the confidence and courage. I guess everyone is. Its part of growing up. But my times' coming. June 16th I'm going to try and take of my leash and take some chances. It'll be good for me.

Trying to Find a Balance

- After a night spent reflecting on the good old days with good old friends I realize I need to avoid the knee-jerk reaction I've taken towards my high school days. Just because I don't need to be dwelling on it doesn't mean that I should leave it all behind like I was telling Laura the other night on my roof that I sometimes wish I could do. You know, the good old days were good and even though tomorrow's got a lot to offer, life isn't worth living if we don't take a trip down memory lane every now and then.

- I guess thats a big part of finding fulfillment in life is finding a virtuous balance in everything. Its kind of tough, but I'm starting to get this part down.

Revealing Too Much

- Music is so much fun, especially when you find some that you just can't get enough of. I've been on an indie kick recently and have really been getting into bands like Broken Social Scene, the Dreamer and the Sleeper, and the Ums. You most likely haven't ever heard of any of them and if not thats ok, neither had I. The ironic things about indie is it can't have any landmark bands or they lose their "indie cred." Seems to me like thats a recipie for a failed music genre but it seems to be getting really big recently regardless. But paradox aside another somewhat indie band that probably is losing a bit of its cred as they seem to be relatively big, the Honorary Title has been tickling my fancy. Especially this song: Revealing Too Much. Listen to it. Its really good.

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The Honorary Title - Revealing Too Much
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Accentuated by the mobile dungeon of fluorescence

As I fall out of love, this wasn't supposed to happen

Not according to you

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Please don't allow your voice to fade

Don't fall so weak to fault or blame

To give yourself reason for an end

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We'd have our own subway car in the middle of the night

I'd work the same job and play the same bars on every weekend

As the graffiti scrolls by

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Please don't allow your voice to fade

Don't fall so weak to fault or blame

To give yourself reason for an end

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And at the end of your low you pin my shoulders against the mattress

Arching your frame with your stomach pushed outward

Your head titling back with your mouth partially open

The sounds slur and elevate slowly in volume

When you wake up with your family gathered around

Remember that our love was true

And I will not allow you to destroy yourself

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I hope that I'm not revealing too much

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- Sorry, I realize this isn't a music blog so I'll get on with it. Music has just been such a big part of my life over the last couple years and when a song like this touches me just right that it shoots into my top 50 itunes play list in a couple days I need to share. I can't even really explain what it means to me because its not going to translate to you. Thats one of the most beautiful things about music is how its customizable to each and everyone of us.

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- And oh the many things simply the phrase revealing too much means to me. I feel that the last semester has been nothing but revealing too much in the wrong places and too little where it needs to be revealed. I know I'm probably going about it all wrong but what can I do? Everyone has their own piece of advice and at the same time an equally compelling reason why I shouldn't listen to them. I just hope I don't mess things up cause the potential for that is really there. I like my life as it is now, things are going smoothly and I'm as happy as I've been in years. I guess thats why taking a risk is a little more difficult these days. If nothing else, revealing too much could probably be the punchline for this blog.

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- Camp is well timed. Not too far away and yet not too close. I know I'll be ready to go when the time comes. It'll be nice to head away for awhile, live a different life and experience new things for a bit and then come back to Colorado with a fresh start and a plate of opportunities.

No Hardcore Dancing in the Living Room

- Well, I got the job. Both of them, the shifty sales job and the camp job. Obviously as soon as I learned I got the camp job I called up Vector Marketing to take their explotative position and shove it, though I used less abrasive terminology.

- The idea of spending two months in New Hampshire, on the other hand, terrifies and excites me at the same time. I have a feeling its gonna be a blast and the extra money will be nice but of course as I sit and think about it little shots of terror and uncertainty make their way in. Most of them are centered around how I'm going to get myself and the things I'll need to the camp in the first place and in one piece. I'll be on my own navigating my way through a part of the country more or less foreign to me and stranding myself in a mountain range there devoid of cell phone service. Its just a wee bit intimidating. I'm not complaining though. This is the ideal job for me and it more or less takes a confusing vauge summer and gives it a solid game plan with unlimited potential.

- It also means I've got rough 2 weeks before I leave to live it up in Colorado. I got an early start tonight at a spur of the moment Showbread show with Britt. I'm not a big fan of the Marquis theater's set up but it was fun nonetheless. Showbread was good. They used more gimicks in the way of lights and confetti and smoke that I've seen a band use in long time but it was fun. The band before them was suprisingly really good too. They were heavy metal and when I say they were heavy metal, I mean HEAVY METAL. Long hair, deep growling voices, thick southern accents; it seemed like something straight out of the 90s. I'm not really a metal fan but for whatever reason I really really liked them. I guess I was just in the mood. All four bands were Christian bands too which was a unique experience. Showbread even collected for a missions trip to Brazil. Not something you usually encounter from a post-hardcore show.

- Tonight also reinforced how much I hate scene kids. There were two in particular with thier tight tight jeans, mating plumage haircuts, and goofy 16 year old starving ethiopian bodies that decided to hardcore dance to every song and jump off each others back into the mosh. I got my revenge though when one jumped right onto my shoulder. Lets just say he didn't try it twice. If nothing else it was entertaining watching the crowd get more and more annoyed with them.

- Couple more days here in Denver depending on a number of things. I'm spending a fortune in gas this summer so if nothing else New Hampshire will be a nice break from that. Here goes nothing.