Back in the saddle again.

- Its shapin' up to be a long entry today. Sorry, I don't mean to bore you with the details of my week but this in essance my journal and I think my memories will be more useful to me in the future if I have somewhere where I can relive my experiences through the perspective of myself when they happened.

- Its been one of those wierd weeks. A lot has happened but I don't feel that way. Its gone by quickly and slowly at the same time and has been one of reflection on whats gonna happen in the future. Its been a week of academic meltdown as well. Missing essays and tests are gonna be a killer on my next grade report. It didn't help with all the school sponsored extra cirricular activities and meetings I've been attending. 2 Senior meeting with them telling us not to drive drunk, a Senior picture panaromic shoot that I slept through, 10 hours of interviews with potential jazz teachers are all to be added to me trying to finish my homework and have a freakin social life and down time. I know its selfish but my down time is important. It doesn't have to be much, just 30 mins of quiet, maybe a lil guitar to numb the throbbing overstimulation of the day. The jazz interviews weren't so bad. A lot of time but in hindsight I'm glad I did em. I learned a ton about the interview process and what people look for in hiring a potential employee. The three choices we sent on to Dr. Bull were all excelent, overqualifed men. One named Hugh Ragin left in me in a sense of awe. He's not exactly a jazz legend but he definitley is a jazz name. He was in our school's encyclopedia for heavens sake! Anyway, as far as trumpeteers go hes amazing. I love jazz music and I know good jazz when I hear it and hes got some good jazz. This guy is the quitessence of cool. He used all these great metaphors like "putting the dance in the music" "playing through the hole in you're head" and "playing through the combo, not over it". Very expressive. Pretty much the type of guy you think of when you think sexy oldschool jazz.

- Because all these meetings and assembly's, I haven't been to church in about a week. This is a long time for me if you know me as if I'm able, I'm almost always in attendance during whatevers goin on. I think its good for me though with as much time as I spent working for the play that I don't get burnt out. I also need to be focusing on finishing up these last couple days of school. 15 to be exact. Thats a terribly frightening thought. I love school and though I'm ready to be done, theres a lot of people that I won't ever talk to again once classes end. I still have friends to do things with, but I'll miss these people nonetheless. Plus, graduating really does close the book on a stage in my life and prepares to open another. I'm ready to move on, but lets be honest, we've got it good. My responsibilities even when I blow them out of proportion aren't anything in comparision to what I will face in the future. Mueling over this subject really brings me to look at the big picture of my life and where I'm going and how, we truely do only live once. I don't want to miss anything and if my life is moving fast now, think how fast its going to move as I begin to get older. I don't want to get to existential so I'll slow down before I blow a fuse.

- I'm proud of myself. I acomplished something I've wanted since last year and started working for since early December. I finally asked Kristen to the prom. For such an incredible girl she really gives me too much credit. She knows how to make an unworthy guy feel really special. I just enjoy spending time with her be it supporting Rachelle at her soccer game, shopping for a kiddie gift for my little sisters, shooting the breeze during our off hour, or wasting a couple hours just eatin pizza and watchin Alias. I wanted so bad to ask her in a way that was really really special and memoriable but before long she began gettin antsty and I don't blame her seeing as prom is just a little over three weeks away. She gave a ride home today and we hung out for awhile and I slipped a rose, a stopwatch to go off after a couple hours, and a note and poem asking her to go with me. I haven't been around to hear her answer yet but I think it'll be a yes seeing as she confronted me a couple days ago about not asking her yet. I told her to still let me suprise her. Honestly, I loathe school dances. I've had a date available for prom these last three years so that wasn't the issue. Its just I think that they are expensive and not a heck of a lot of fun seeing as I'm morally opposed to the drinking, drugs, and payoffs of prom most guys are looking for. Something is compelling me to go this year though. Part of it is the fact that she wants to go, but honestly, I don't think it'll be so bad. Senior Prom is one of those thing you only get to do once and its something I'll remember for the rest of my life; be that a good or bad thing. Shes such great company and so unique that it compells me. Theres just something about her that makes me want to be around her all the time. Since I stopped dating Audra, I've had a couple of flings, some more involved than others, but I didn't get involved in any relationships I could really consider an exclusive involved relationship. I think I've just been so burnt out from Audra when it comes to girls that I've been hesitant and unwilling to involve myself in anything serious because I just haven't felt that connection with the girl or sometimes the feeling of approval from God. I'd always shy away and stop putting forth the effort and that would always result in frustration from whatever girl I'd be upsetting and things would go sour. I know, its only Prom, but any kind of relationship with Kristen will be something that when I'm older, I'll be glad I didn't let pass me by. Plus, her family is sooo cool. They're such easy going genuinely nice people.

- Well, balls in my court to screw things up. I'm anxious. This is important to me in a way few things are.

Loving Kindness Overwhelms Empty Words

- Be careful what you wish for. It might come true. This is something that I've found to be probably more true in my 18 years of life on this earth than a lot of the other cliches of our time. I'm not sure where this train of thought is going so just buy a ticket and enjoy the ride. A couple years ago (I'm not THAT old) when I was slightly less mature than I am today (WOW. Thats a thought for you. Even less mature.) I was big into playing social games. I'd say things people wanted to hear and hear things people said the way I wanted them to mean. If you want a technique for getting into trouble real fast, that'd be it. I was reflecting on it earlier today and how some things that I said in 20 seconds could shape the course of roughly three months for the worse. Its odd how I could have gotten so wrapped up in myself that I could completly miss genuine sincerity and just play it off as no big deal deserving an equally empty reply.
I like to think I'm older now and above it but I'll catch myself now and then getting wrapped up in a world of colloquial meaningless and absudity. I don't let it dominate my life as I did so long ago but its no less dangerous. We need to watch what we say all the time no matter who we're talking to. Without our attention our words will make the worst out of a delicate situation. Flipping through my old journal I noticed a quote I put at the top of the first page. "If you can't be true to yourself, your out of people you can trust." Its ironic now, in retrospect, that it means something a lot different to me now than it did back then. I pray to God I can maitain an honesty with those I care for and myself and that I am myself and not an incarnation of what is expected of me. I'm a work in progress. Everyday another piece of me is completed and to extend a metaphor I stole from Emily Dickenson, another piece of scafolding is no longer needed to support me and is rendered obsolete. These are more random coagulated thoughts from the mind of Jay. Someday, I'll be able to tie them all together and life will take on a whole new meaning for me. In God's time. Life is a beatiful thing. It just... makes me think. I think to much.

- Little things make my days special and unique. Its the little blessings that will stay with me forever and will run through my mind in my last days. I'm gonna start posting some of them from my day as if anyone cared or could find something value in the ones specifically for me. If nothing else it'll be an attitude check for me.

Pink sweatshirts, cloudy days, distracted thoughts, priceless doodles that will be treasured more than any gold watch, insightful poetry that means something, knowing that I'm not alone on the path of self-discovery, clever wording, "wasted" time, sunshine on a wet sidewalk, a consoling cookie, the feeling of taking a deep breath of fresh air on a crisp, early morning, and the feeling of being an unworthy privilaged guy are all things that have made me happy today.

The Lord blesses the through his mercy. We have a loving God.

Bum, dadada daaaaaa

- So day one of the play preformance is under my belt. I went in tonight with a bad attitude again but this time around it was about 20x more enjoyable. Everyone was able to smile and laugh and all of our lines were nailed. There were a couple of rough spots throughout the night but nothing worth writing or complaining about. Everyone in our cast is enjoyable and extremely pleasant to be around. Jordan turned lines that were somewhat mundane and average into a hillarious back and forth banter, Austin was astounding and he put everything he had into a play he didn't want to be involved in, Brandon was extraordinary in bringing great life into a character that originally wasn't going to be very good, Courtney rocked the philisophical house and made people laugh everytime she started talking as well as when she'd relentlessly single out an audience member, and on and on. Michella, Jessie, Laura, Tyler, Jacinda, Jenny, Jana, shoot everyone in the crew nailed thier parts. There really was no weak links. It was cool watching God move and to feel the peace he provided me and the rest of the cast. He gave me a joy to overcome a poor attitude and proved to me yet again that he's the boss.

- Again, its the little things in life that make me happy. Today was evidence of that. Ex: I got to sleep in today. I haven't been able to sleep in for about the last three weeks and it was refreshing beyond all means. I woke up invigorated and giddy. Ok, maybe it was more a little groggy and disorientated but its the same thing. Then, I looked out my window. Spring time has come to the backyard of the Hardy house. It looked like Washington DC in when the trees are in full bloom. Our two biggest trees were a hot pink and our flowers were budding and our grass was green. I grabbed my Martin (I still haven't named her yet) and I dashed outside with my green rosewood and canvas "guitar chair" and just jammed out for about 2 hours. I tweaked with my tuning a lil bit and toyed with my capos and got a sound and a tone that I just adored. I even wrote a new song that is still pending lyrics but it really captured my mood at the time. I hit a couple snags throughout the day but there was always someone or something to pick me up and keep me from gloating in grumpiness. Its like, there was just something keeping me from turning my day into a bad one through a bad attitude.

- Jessies just GOT to get on so I guess thats gonna be all for tonight. I wish you all the best.

Shiftin Gears

- So I was standing in line today at Chipotle after school just trying to avoid eye contact with the girl standing in front of me who for some reason was just starring at me (not even a couple of seconds of eye contact could avert her glare), when I happened to overhear the converstation between the two ladies behind me that made me chuckle. These ladies looked like Anna Nicole Smith impersonantors and each had a voice that could break a mirror. They were discussing a "friend" of thiers and were critizing her eating habits. "If she didn't drink so much ****in Doctor Pepper she could lose weight." said the first. "Yeah, she looks so ****in terrible" said the other. "I mean really, hows a cow like her going to get a date. No wonder shes lonely. Shes just, fat." I literally just started laughing to myself. These women were not vixens themselves. I felt bad for the subject of thier discussion though I will never meet her because it sounds like this is a pair of people who she probably considers her friends now ripping her apart in her absence. It was hillarious seeing such large women critize the way another woman diets. You should have seen the burritos they ordered. Extra everything with a side of lard. It just kind of reminded me that some people really never do move past the drama of highschool and will just be mean people for the rest of thier lives.

- So as the school week wraps up, the play weekend begins. It feels like I'm not getting a break from school but instead, I'm just shifting gears into my next responsability. I've got a really bad attitude towards it right now and I need to remember its not about me. It doesn't matter if I like it wish to spend hours on end practicing and preforming. We're raising money for mission trip and I need to give the people willing to shell out 15 bucks a ticket thier moneys worth. And even though I think the message is rather weak and a little cheesy, its not for me. God's going to use it to impact the lives of others the way he sees fit. I'm a messager, not a general.

- Since I had this play all weekend and my week didn't lend itself to allow me to experience anything beyond the status quo, I was a little worried I wouldn't be able to fulfill my adventure goal. It was legitimatilly disturbing me because since I've started my personal program to make life more interesting, I haven't missed a week were I've tried something new. Some weeks my adventure is a little more interesting than others and it turns out that this week is going have to be filed in the "others" catagory. I was talking, well, really I was complaining to Rachelle about how I wasn't going to get to keep my adventure streak going and she sudjested that I come to her soccer game on Thursday. I wanted to go, but my only problem was this wasn't particularlly adventurous and though I planned on going, I debated wheather or not it should count. I needed to compromise, however, and I honestly don't think that I've been to a sporting event at Grandview that I haven't participated in. So thats my adventure this week. Not remarkably out of my comfort zone but it fits the bill.

- Well, its not a particularly long entry today and I have a couple more events of interest that might even deserve mention, but I'm in desperate need of nap and to study up my lines a little bit more before dress rehersal tonight. I might write more later on tonight after all is said and done.

English Class Epiphany

- So I'm about caught up now from the days I missed while in Boston that I love so dearly to complain about. Things have by no means however, slowed down. AP tests are commin up fast and it feels like my teachers are turning up the heat. Its just my luck to get the nazi slave driving teachers. I don't mind my classes. In almost all of them I have a good time jokin around because I know most the people in them, its just having to write 3 essays for homework is just a little to much for me to chew. The new trend in teaching also seems to require us to spend a lot of time out of class doing things for class like practice tests, review sessions, AP seminars and registration which all reflect upon our grade should we decide not to show up. Its terrible because it adds about an extra 3 hours of school to my school week. As a senior, 3 hours is a freakin lot.

- So I'm lookin at my watch and its telling me that its time for today's mysterious vauge rant about issues I'm obviously not being straightfoward about. Its time for me to take action. Time is running out and the longer I wait, the less creative I'm able to be and the more muddy the issue will become. We are only young for so long and I don't want a smudge in my past that I'm going to look back on and wish I had done things differently. If I'm to truely live life to the fullest I need to shoot for things I want and not be held back by anxiety. Its just, yesterday, I felt that anxiety/excitement a little bit and it scared me to death. But, it was like the scared feeling of waiting in line for a rollercoaster thats really really tall. My mom agrees.

Haha. I read over that and unless you know exactly what I'm talking about as only I do, it doesn't make a lick of sense. Just the way I like it.

- I really want to make something of myself when I get older. I had an English class epiphany the other day while we were discussing the book Invisible Man. Though the book doesn't apply to me in the slightest as I'm neither black nor a socialist and I don't resent the white man for oppressing me much, an emotion it evoked out of me hit me like a truck. Its really hard to explain in words but I'll give it a shot anyway. I want to be remembered. I don't want to be another number or just a face in the crowd that lived a mediocre life and died of a heart attack at an office desk only to be replaced the next day. I've got to make a difference or I'm doomed to die a lonely unfilled death. Doom. This this doesn't mean I want to be famous or rich or powerful. I just want to be remembered as someone that was just a little bit different. Someone that never turned down an opportunity out of fear, and as someone who had an impact of good. Someone who did something with his life; who left a legacy. When I die, I want to be ready to go to the Lord having lived a life that I can be satisfied with. There are so many people that spend so much time starring at the little things that really don't matter at all as clicheish as that sounds. Time flys and the last 18 years of my life have come and gone in what seems like nothing. Life is short.I hate wasting any of it.

I don't need to change the world to be fulfilled. I just want to live life well.

The Rat Race Begins

- So, everythings really kinda stressful right now. I think its just because I'd rather be able to be an irresponsable bum and just go out and do what I like everynight and not have to answer to an attendance office if I didn't feel motivated. Schools knockin my game. I chose bad days to miss for my Boston trip but again, I'm not regretting it.

- It was a busy go go go kind of weekend but not a bad one nonetheless. I woke up in the morning and slowly got ready for the day. A little bit of investigating in the form of a really really excited 6 year old informed me it was somebody's birthday and I had forgotten a present. So I took off to the mall to find something spectacular and convinced Kristen to go with me. I'm a really bad gift giver so Kristen enlisted the help of her mom (who is like, the coolest mom btw) to think of something creative and unique. With her help I settled on a book by Doctor Seiuse where Jenna writes all these cool things about her self like what animal noises she can make and how many buttons she owns. Kristen showed me hers from when she was kid. It cracked me up. She was a funny little kid.

- Well after that we ate lunch, then I headed home and put in about an hours worth of time learning lines and took off to church for a 6 hour drama session. It was fun. I love everyone at church because they're all so doggon fun to be around. Jana got mad at me for wearing my Boston Red Socks shirt but Courtney was helping me represent. She's so lucky she gets to go to college in Boston. I wish I was smart enough to get money to go somewhere out of state. I love Colorado, don't get me wrong, but I think going to college somewhere else would be a life enhancing experience. Anyway, back on topic. Considering the time I spent on my lines I thought I did a pretty decent job. The hour's study learned the first 2 scenes for me and I already knew the 3rd, so I was covered until the one part of the play where I'm not on stage. I studied up my remaining lines with Brandon in the kitchen and when the time arose I ventured forth and took them to town. Ok, so I screwed em all up, but at least I didn't have to rely completely on a script. The night ended on kind of a sour note as Phyliss sat there and lectured us on discipline when, to my unbiased perception, discipline had been excelent all night. People kept up good attitudes and had a good time despite 6 hours of thier weekend being robbed so I left fuming over that a little bit.

- Pretty much the same story for Sunday today. I was disgusted with my preformance in Praise Band today. My guitar kept going out of tune and we were just having all kinds of kinks and problems that made things sound rough and choppy. I went home for a little bit more hw work and then back to church for this and that. The meetings and practice went well. I was actually able to relax a little bit and enjoy myself because I had the lines for scene 6, the one we practiced, down flat. Church is a lot of fun when theres nothing to worry about. I got to load my hair up with Crisco which is an experience in itself. I recomend doing it at least once. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

- A busy week commin up with makeup work, class, aeration, church, the play, and whatever free time I'm able to scrape up. I need to stay in the word and keep my focus right. When things pick up pace it gets harder but its no less important. Sorry for the long entry. I don't mean to bore ya'll with my trivial concerns. Life is good. I hope it stays that way.

A Week to Remember

- Its been awhile since I've updated because I've just been so dang busy, so I'll make it a good one.

- Snow day on Monday. It was a nice break. Didn't do much all day beyond chillin at the Ingrams house for a good portion of the afternoon. It was nice to just get out.

- Baaaston was incredible. I experienced a ton of new things and learned a lot as well as having just a good old time. Our hotel was right in the middle of downtown in the Parker something House which is the oldest opperating hotel in the US. Boston, as it turns out, has the oldest of just about everything. I was really excited upon observing the luxury and beauty of the lobby to see our room and view but was I ever severly dissappointed. Our room was the size and luxury equivalent of a cruise ship room but thats ok I guess; we spent about as much time in it as we did on the cruise.

- Everything was within walking distance in the most gorgeous old city I've ever been in which made for an experience in itself. We took the freedom trail through downtown that took us to some of the more famous and historical sites of the city. Because it was a weekday there were litterally no tourists on the entire walk. It was wonderful. We had all the sites all to our selves. On that little adventure I'd have to say my favorite attractions would be a tie between the Old North Church where they put the lights in the steeple to warn of the British invasion and the Bunker Hill Memorial which was a lot like the Washington monument but without an elevator inside to get to the top. The Old North Church was the most beautiful church I've ever been and it suprises me that its in such great shape considering its still used for services to this day. I can see why they used the steeple for the warning light location. It towered over all the other buildings with the exception of the skyscrappers and you could see it for miles. The Bunker Hill Memorial was a pleasant suprise because I didn't even know there was a Bunker Hill memorial. 294 steps to get to the top. A lot of work but the ensuing view was more than worth it. I've got some pictures if I can figure out how to get them posted.

- Without a doubt though, the highlight of the trip came at the end of our day of exploring. We hopped on the Subway down to Fenway park praying that there was a chance we could find somebody scalping at a reasonable price. Things didn't look so hot however because when we stepped off the Subway the sidewalks were lined with, instead of people selling tickets, people asking to buy tickets. I really wanted to go really really bad so I kept my hopes up and we trucked on. We got all the way to the ballpark ticketless and we considered giving up, but I was sure there was still a glimmer of hope getting in. My heart must have jumped out of my chest when a guy approached us asking us if we needed tickets. He wanted 60 bucks for bleacher seats that originally costed 12 but my dad talked him down to 50 bucks apiece. I hate people like that guy because he whipped out what must of been 50 tickets and handed us three. It was worth the little extra cash though because watching the Red Socks play the Yankees in Fenway park is something I recommend to everbody to do before they die. I'm not a huge baseball fan but I couldn't help but cheer and whoop and hollar on every swing of the bat. The game was made even more sweet because Shilling was pitching for the socks. He's really something. Didn't play particualarly well after the 4th inning but I got to see the fire before they pulled him as he struck out 5 batters in 3 innings. I left the game with my life enhanced and one of the must do before I die items crossed off my list.

- My dad flew the plane that I took back to Denver and that was a unique experience in itself. A note to anybody I may happen to fly with in the future; Just because I'm the pilots son doesn't mean I know what that squeeling sound is before takeoff. It wasn't so bad. The lady I sat next to reminded me of my grandma with a thick Northeastern accent.

- So I got back to Denver and went to school Friday. I missed a lot and I'm going to be paying for this trip academically for the remandier of my highschool carrer. Its ok. Its like Jordan said, I'll remember this trip more than I will a couple days of school.

- To make my school problems even worse, I missed half of a cat dissection last period Friday because I had to leave school to go to a Jazz competition downtown. We did really well. The edjudicators loved our preformance after they had systematically ripped apart other bands that I though did a little bit better than us. My song, Journey From the Shadowlands went well. My solo was well devoloped and even though I thought I could have done better, everyone else including the judges said it sounded great. Good. I hope I get another chance . I don't think I lived up to my potential.

- And that brings me to today. I've got play practice from 4-10. Thats gonna suck. I'm working on my lines a little but I've just got so dang many that I don't think its gonna go so smoothly. Que Sara though right? Its all good.

Fenway

Jordan at Fenway

Dad at Fenway

Boston Harbor

Bunker Hill Memorial.

View from ontop of the Bunker Hill memorial.

The USS Constitution. Oldest commisioned warship. That means its still sailing and in service.

Its on the sign.

The Old State House. I really liked this building.

The Old State House

An old important building.

Boston Commons

The Snowman Diet

- I woke up this Sunday morning to my mother telling me church was canceled. This was really something to me because I haven't missed a Sunday in the longest time, especially when I was still in town. Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I stayed home on a Sunday morning. Its just something I don't do. I enjoy going to church, don't get me wrong, but missing it didn't bother me to much. I was really looking foward to discussing what we've read this week in our quiet times in Sunday School and the fellowship and worship of the rest of the morning will be noticably absent from my week, but the combination of a comfortable blanket of snow and beautiful grey skys convinced me it wouldn't be so bad. Now that I think about it, I'm going to miss all church activites this week because I'll be in Boston Tuesday through Thursday.

- On that subject, I'm getting pretty pumped. It'll be an easy, kinda unfair way to fulfill the adventure goal considering its somewhere I've never been, and traveling is something that, though I wish I could do it more often, I don't find myself doing a bunch of. I love the east coast in general and doing a little bit of exploring in the Northeast will do me good. I hoped to get to see a Red Sox game but it turns out they are all sold out for the entire season. Thats alright, Courtney tells me theres a lot of other stuff to do and I'm pretty easily entertained. Courtney's always right.

- So this snow is really getting my spirits up. I could be having the worst day in the world and all it'd take to calm me down is to look outside and see snow gently falling on a previously dry and dim landscape. That and when it snows outside I don't have to work until it melts. I hope it keeps going. I wouldn't mind a day off from school by any measure.

- I was hanging out with the boys last night and I was riding with Cliff when he dropped the bomb. He and Shanna are no longer dating. Good lord. They've been dating for four years and if I had to place money on it, I would have guessed that they would have made it. Man, it made me feel terrible. It turns out it was her choice to do it. Cliff was taking it well, but there was no doubt he was hurting. I feel so bad for him. Hes like a brother to me. Theres no doubt he won't have trouble getting another girlfriend as he showed me a handful of phone numbers he had gotten from girls at a party, but he's such a loyal and trustworthy guy and he loved Shanna a lot. Shes really losing out.

- You know, there are times when I really feel childish. Sure, I bieleve that staying young in spirit is critical for me to personally enjoy life. I've found in my life the times that are the roughest for me are the ones I try to approach without the faith and joy of a child in my heart. Its just, sometimes I feel its selfish. I feel like I can't really be there for others when they need me the most. I'm not saying I don't think I can be serious, its just sometimes the best intentions in life are the same ones that screw everything up. Its really difficult to explain and may be a product of the weather and my day thats just leaving me with too much to think about.

Well thats about it for now. Jay, Out.

Gems of Happiness

- For a weekend with a rut in it I think I'm making the best of it. Said rut was a mandatory AP Lit practice test from 7:30 this morning to 11:00. If theres one thing I don't like doing its getting up before 9 on a Saturday, especially for writing 3 essays in 2 hours and a lengthy multiple choice section. I wouldn't even mind it so much if I thought that it was necessary, but I didn't go to it last year or any of the other mandatory review sessions for Lang last and I still got a 5 on the test. It urks me.

- One of the worst parts of having the 7:30 test was that it turned a Friday night into a school night. Nonetheless, I made the best of it. I crammed aerating, tenis, and seeing the movie Sahara before my self apointed curfew of 11 o' clock. Saraha was very good by the way. Despite the rather shallow plot, I was able to get enjoyment from the mindless action and dorky humour of the main characters.

- Despite all my complaining and angst at having to spend half my Saturday at school, it wasn't so bad. Shortly after I arrived, I learned that the test was a completion grade and my motivation for doing a quality job plummeted. I sat with Matt and Adam and we had a giddy old time making the experience as enjoyable as we could. Testing was set up in the library and my ADD distracted me from writing an essay on Conrad's Heart of Darkness to a book on the shelf entitled 14,000 Things to Be Happy About. I got it off the shelf and read through a couple of the entries which resembled things like, "Boneless duck seasoned with butter and topped with lemon" (actually, most of the entrys were about food such as this which lead me to question the enormous appetite of the ravenous writer). Others resembled things like "Norweigan tapestries", "Baseball games that go into extra innings, and "the natural golden color required to toast bread to perfection". We had a contest to see who could insert the most of these things in our essay. The norweigan tapestries one I fit seamlessly into an essay about a little girl's adventure climbing a tree and I was impressed at how Matt was able to get the toast one into an essay about Helen of Troy according to HD and Poe. After all was said and done, I had fit 6 of these little gems of happiness into my 3 essays, but Adam blew me away fitting 12 of them into his. I think his essays ended up less about the subject we were writing on and more about the little things in life that make people happy. I had convinced Todd's table and Katherine's table to start adding Happinesses to thier essays as well and soon the three English teachers proctoring began to become suspicious of all the talking and laughing that was going on on our side of the library. I may not have done well on the test, but I had fun making the best of a mundane experience.

- A conversation I had the other day gave me hope for things to come which in context of the dialog doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense. In addition to this I completed my adventure goal for the week. So it wasn't the most daring acomplishment, it was still an acomplishment for me. Something that I have suprisingly never done before.

Its been a good week. I hope everyone else's was too.

Peter Pizan!

- Man, as much as I love reading long emails, its really hard for me to respond to them. Sure, I have pleanty to say and often have trouble shutting up when honestly, I really need to, but to someone with my (insert euphimism for lazy here) disposure, it feels like I'm writing an essay. Plus, I hate talking about myself. I'm boring. End random tangent for today.

- Jenna got her first phone call today. It cracked me up. Here is the way it went:

(Phone rings from my little sister's friend Ashley)

My Dad: Jenna you have a phone call.

(Jenna Answers Phone)

Jenna: Hello?..... Hello?..... Who is this!

(Ashley talks)

Jenna: Oh, what do you want?

(Ashley talks)

Jenna: Bye. (Jenna slams phone down) Dad Dad Dad, I gotta go over to Ashley's! Shes home! She told me so!

Dad: Ok, be back by dinner.

(Jenna scampers out the door)

- She's such a little social butterfly, it makes me laugh. Shes gonna have all the boys hanging off when she gets older. Shes already got one right now, a second grader named Chase. They play Barbies. And by play, I mean run around slamming the barbies into the couch while making fight noises. Ahh to be young again. So far, I've done pretty well in my lifelong goal to never grow up, but I don't know how much longer that's gonna last. Eventually I'm going to be around people who won't tollerate it. Shucks.

- Well, I'm getting better about learning to not let things bother me. I worry about stuff thats probably not real justified and even though I get consistantly reasured, I still worry about it. Jay, what happens happens. "Why you spendin time lookin at da flowers!" I should take my own advice. If its meant to be, it'll happen.

- School's nosediving. 3 days into my last quarter and I'm already missing about 75% of my assignments. You better bieleve after midterms come in, nothin else is gonna get done at all. My parents are pretty lax about my grades and I'm keeping them at least reasonable, buts its getting harder to find the desire. I had to get all the teachers that decided 4th quarter would be the most ideal time to give out a buttload of hw. Dang it.

- I love sunshine. I love cloudy days more but sunshine is good. You can't beat lounging around after a short day of school in a sunny living room in my gym shorts and a trusty tee and watch TV before heading to the gym to get my daily excersize fix in the raquetball court. Life is good ya'll. You just love for the good things that make it beautiful.

Indiscriminantly Disconcerned

- As far as Mondays go this has been an excellent Monday. I've got my sites set on graduation now. School is suffering as a result but I'm not concerned. So I forget an assignment or two, sue me.

- Anyway, school wasn't so unbearable today. Euro was long because Benegar is getting longwinded and figures 4th quarter seniors are going to listen to picture free monotonous lectures for an hour and a half. Me, Tim, and Scott sat there and doodled all class. My favorite was a detailed mural of Stalin winning the nice guy award. Tim questioned the legitimacy of my award by showing me how Stalin was the only one who ever won it and pointing me to the pile of oppresed peasants he was standing on. What does he know, he just a ignorant liberal.

- Gym was stupid as always. I used to always love my gym classes, but this quarter it sucks. I'm in a class full of pothead Juniors that are to cool to play the games. Kinda takes takes the fun out of it. Crying shame I couldn't get into Aquatic Recreation. That class is so cool.

- Jazz was phenomonal. We have a Jazz festival comming up in two weeks and that means I gotta actually practice. One of the songs features me in literally a four minute trumpet solo followed by a 3 minute duet with Ryan the alto sax. Its such a cool song though. Its gonna be good times. I'm getting good at this improv solo thing. Its tough. I can certainly respect professional jazz musicians. Its truely genuine music.

- So after that I came home and went to work with my dad for three hours. I made 100 bucks. Thats 30 bucks an hour for those of you doing the math. I love money.

- I still had a strange amount of energy though and I went out and played Basketball with Glenn and Evan. I haven't been able to goof around with them in a long time and it was fun. The energy level eventually was depleted though and I headed home to catch Illinios and North Carolina play for the national championship. Its halftime right now and North Carolina is running away with it. Good for them. I'm sick of Illinios winning all the time. It'd suck for them if they weren't able to cap of a perfect season with a championship.

- Well, thats my day in a nutshell minus the details of my trips to the restroom. Keep it real.

The Wrench of Reason

- And so this Spring Break, like most things in life, must come to an end. It has been a relaxing one at best which does little for explaining why I've got a killer headache. I'm not a headache person, I just don't get em, so when I do, I know it.

- I had an interesting day today. It was a day of self-examination. I had an unusually long and vivid dream last night that had me briefly re-live my last couple years on this earth and examine the mistakes I've made and how they may one day come to haunt me in the future. Ironically, I also found my journal I kept throughout the duration of my sixteenth year. So in between aeration calls, (I only had like 20 of them today) I sat down in my room in my green thinkin' chair and read through my journal. I was a very insiteful 16 year which brings me to the question of why I was such an idiot. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we want that even though reality is sitting right there in front of us, we imagine its wearing a tutu, so to speak, because the balerina reality is a lot more cool or shiny or can dance better than the truth. I wasn't foolin myself. Honestly, I wasn't even trying. I knew, at the ripe young age of 16, who I was, yet I wasn't happy with it. I don't see how that can make any sense to anyone but me and what I'm trying to say is very difficult to portray in words. Its not really important to portray in words anyway so I'll just drop it. Anyway, it was very theraputic for me and I made one last entry in that journal, years after the last entry. I've closed one chapter in my life and I'm ready to start another. I hope I'm creating a book worth reading.