Poker and Polo

- Its been a good last couple of days. I feel the aquaintanceships up here turning into friendships. From the people I've been seeing regularly in class, to the ones I met at the RamWelcome and just from wherever, to the ones living in my hall, I can now call these people my buds and can officially say I've found my niche. It was suprisingly easy. Today was especially fun. The open door policy in our hall makes it easy to find something to do in the down time. About 6 I headed off with Adam to practice for the Water Polo club team. It was fun but man, it kicked my butt. I think Water Polo is one of the most difficult games in the world because you NEVER get a break. And by never I mean, never. You're balancing treading water, without using you're hands by the way, with sprint swimming back and forth along with the change of possesions all the while not trying not to drown despite you're exaustion. So, to be honest, I'm just about ready to die of being tired and sore. But, much like cross country, the high you get after the 2 hour practice is over is worth every second. Plus I get to represent my school and beat CU at a competitive sport. After water polo Adam and I headed back to the dorm and got a poker game going in Kayla's room. I beat on all ins Adam, Kim, Jeff, Bri, and Joel and won it all. It was so much fun.

-Classes are getting a lil more difficult but my hardest is getting easier. Personal computing is the one I'm refering to. I had some technical difficulties getting lab times and the like worked out and the professor, after having to help 1400 kids with similar problems could hardly be described as helpful. I got all the kinks worked out today though and its all downhill from here.

- Kristen got frustrated when she wasn't able to talk to me cuz I was busy in the middle of Poker along with the fact that I had to tell her the bad news that I wasn't going to be able visit her this labor day weekend. I feel bad at how I sorta blew her off. I knew I was acting like a heel but I did anyway. Its ok though. She doesn't seem too mad but knowing girls tells that doesn't mean a heck of a lot of how she really feels about the situation. Guess I'll find out tomorrow. Till then.

Hugs are Guuuuuud. Hugs are Guuud.

- So my first weekend on my own is officially over and I gotta say its been a blast. I never thought I'd find so many perfectly normal, fun to hang out with people up at college that share my convinctions when it comes to abstaining from drugs and alcohol, and yet still know how to have a good time.

- Friday the guys in our dorm all hooked up 4 different X-boxes to our local dorm internet and played a massive game of Halo. I've never been one for video games, but Halo is just different. It spawns a certain guy comradery and is a heck of a lot of fun. Especially when you shoot somebody and you hear an exlamation of disapointment from the room across the hall. After that an even larger group of my new friends up here went to see the 40 Year Old Virgin. It was hillarious and even had a good moral about waiting for marrige to it. I felt like a real jerk though because me and Adam were talking about seeing movies alone and how we couldn't understand how people could do it, only to discover after it was over that a girl sitting somewhat closely behind us was at the movie alone. We got back about 1ish and set out for a game of late night glow in the dark ultimate frisbee were by wierd coincidence we saw a girl named Miranda that I had met earlier in the week along with her crew of about 12 people. Fortunantely, they were as terrible at Ultimate as we were so the teams were fair and the competitiveness that normally couples these games was gone and it was just fun.

- Saturday was cool too. I woke up at about 11 and played an intense game of Monopoly in our hall's lounge. After that was over me, Preston, Adam, and Bri went to the Bronco's preseason game vs. the Colts since Adam had free season tickets. I felt like such a Coloradin native going to a Broncos football game after going to my Colorado college with a gang of Coloradins. Thats a good feeling. This State is home to me now. I belong here. When people ask me where I'm from now I proudly will say Denver where as when we first moved here I was quick to make it known I was a Texan through and through and that I hated it here.

- Sunday was amazing as well. Its amazing the effect a Bible study can have on your life and how frustrating it is to go without it. MABC is an amazing church and I doubt I'll ever be able to find anything like it. The people, the preaching, the fellowship, and just how much church the church is built on the word of God blows me away. God was good to me to provide me with such a gift in my life to shape me in him and to prepare me for life that awaits me. It bums me out to see how we've all moved on and how next time I go, the stragglers (cough Courtney) won't be there either and it will be now near void of some the closest friends I've ever had that have been there for as long as I can remember. We'll always be friends, don't get me wrong, but our lives aren't intertwined now like they used to be. We're going different dirrections and moving on and its really hard to let go of my little youth group bubble thats done so much for me. I pray that God will help me and Tyler find a really good church up here because I've learned just how critical part of my walk is connected to my church community.

- I miss Kristen a ton. I hope I can get out to Cincy this labor day to see her. I can count on one finger how many people I can actually look foward to talking on the phone to for more than 10 mins. Nothing against other people, I'm just not a phone person. Somehow, the rules change when she's involved. I really hope that we make it long distance. So far things are working out really well, but in the case that they don't I'll thank God everyday for simply letting me have any time with her at all. Shes been nothing but a blessing in my life from the first day I met her. I just miss her so bad.

- Well, I've got class tomorrow so I better sign off and go to bed. It feels good to find my niche here so quickly. I couldn't imagine how unfun this would be if I hadn't.

PS Our RA yelled at us for the first time tonight for having frisbee throwing contests down the hall. Well, does it really count as yelling if she gives us all Soda's anyway before she goes to her room? You're guess is as good as mine.

Yes, my shirt says Surge.

- Classes have gotten signifigantly harder and the number of textbooks I need to buy seems to be a number that will never stop growing. Its ok though. I can commit to do the work because it intrests me and I find all of my classes save Computer Science just fascinating and even fun. Its not so bad having classes of 400 kids because ever time I go I get to meet somebody new and theres really no excuse for not going when I only have an hour and a half of classes a day.

- Dorm life is fun because there is always, and I mean always something going on and someone available to hang out with and like class, everyday I get to meet fascinating new people. The roomate situation of working out great. Joel is turning out to be one of my best friends up here and thats much preferable to living with someone you just can't stand.

- After all my classes and labs were done with today I hung out with my hallmates a bit before Tyler and I headed off to ultimate frisbee with Navigation, pizza with Campus Crusade, and a Luau with the rock. Theres so many churches and church groups up here to chose from that chosing one to stick with is gonna be tough. They've all got thier plusses and minuses but the one we've been hanging with the most is Navigation and its kinda nice being able to put some familiar faces to familiar names.

- Well, I've got a date with Plato's "The Republic" so I should probably sign off for now. Life is good, college is fun, and really, change isn't that bad. Its just takes a lil adjustment and I think I'm getting there now.

Yippee

So, I've been an independant man for almost a week and I gotta admit, I'm loving every second of it. My hall is incredible. Its probably about as perfect as a hall can get, at least for me. Substance free means I've got no pressure as far as my lifestyle goes along with a built in community of friends. Its also really nice having Tyler up here with me. A friendly familiar face to go church shopping with along with a buddy to just hanging out with is a big bonus. Classes are really easy and far between as well. When you average about an hour and a half of class day makes for a lot of free time and free time is a good thing when you've got an entire city of entertainment at you're disposal. Not to mention the fact the all of my classes are taylored to my interests makes for a very enjoyable school experience. BTW, all those hs teacher who said college teachers don't give extra credit are full of crap. The extra credit opportunities are expansive. Living alone, well with a roomate, is pretty cool too. The freedom is invigorating and being the master of my free time is enjoyable. Well, thats all for now. I get to go read Plato's Apology for my favorite class, Philosophy.

College

- College is nothing short of incredible. So much has happened in the last couple of days that there's no way that I could write it all down and, to be perfectly honest, I don't really feel like spending 4 hours of my time (something that is a comodity up here cuz theres so much to do) writing it down. I've met tons of incredible people and experienced so many incredible things it just blows me away. The independance is liberating. I love it. Church tomorrow. Hope its good. Its kinda important.

Fearless

- I’m on the plane ride back from Oregon. Well, technically from San Francisco since the plane from Eugene to Denver was full but what’s it matter anyway. Oregon was incredible. It was exactly what I needed. Me and my Grandma and my Great Aunt Judy took the RV down to the ocean and parked right on the beach. Arizona beach to be exact. The weather was literally perfect. There were blue skies all week, the temperature was about 70 the whole time and a cool sea breeze was constantly blowing and making things pleasant. I’d go outside and just sit by the ocean and watch the waves for hours on end. I’ve never been so comfortable and relaxed in my entire life. Sitting in the warm sand as the ocean waves washed over my feet while watching the sunset put me in a trance that’s just indescribable. I love sunsets. Well, every night I had one to remember. THEN the stars came out which, to my luck was combined with a meteor shower and orange moon. This was the perfect vacation. I feel so rested and relaxed and ready to move up to college tomorrow. I want to live next to the ocean sometime before I die.

- Wow, that’s a weird thought. Tomorrow, I’ll officially live in Fort Collins. Away from home. And then with Monday comes school. I feel like I’m being pushed out of a little plane again but this time there’s nobody strapped to me. Its ok. Like skydiving, this is exciting and fun.

- God is with me, who can be against me?

The Peace of a Road Unseen

- Those who know me real well know that I'm not a person that is prone to bad moods. Thats not to say that I don't get them, I just find that they don't usually have a dramatic effect on my interactions with others, maybe my family being exluded from "others". Yet right now I find myself in a bad mood. Not an, I'm angry at the world bad mood, but more of a combination of hurt, disapointment, frustration, and fear. Can I honestly tell myself that I would be aware if there was a situation in my life begging for change that I'd have the guts to do it? Probably not. I hate that. I hate the fact that hindsight is 20/20. All that means is that my present is riddled with problems and mistakes that won't fully dawn on me until later in life. I'm just not sure. I wish I could take a hint. Things are definantly easier said than done.

- Its 4 in the morning. I just got back from a "gig" in Craig, Colorado along with about 9 total hours on the road so I probably should credit my current mood to sheer exhaustion, but honestly, I'm awake enough that I can't go to sleep and instead find myself posting here.

- About the trip. It was fantastic. Not in a "man that was sooo much fun" kind of fantastic but in a rewarding, I acomplished something very productive with my time kind of fantastic. Craig, Colorado is about 40 past Steamboat Springs which is, itself, 4 hours away from home. Thats more traveling time than we take for most mission trips. The setup was at the church Jeremy Dorr is serving at and it started at 6:30 and lasted until around 9ish I bieleve. They had about 70 total kids that they accumulated from 3 local churches and we split them up into 4 teams and played games and relays and the such for a bit. These were some of the most open and willing youth I've ever encountered. It was like a breath of fresh air seeing God's obvious presence in these kids (I'm a kid as well) and the attitude carried over into worship. We played for the last time as a praise band and we preformed about 14 songs before Jordan's A string broke and we ended it to allow Bill to get up and speak. 6 kids of the group accepted Christ this night and all of a sudden the incredibly long road trip was worth it. We had a purpose to be in Craig tonight. It had God written all over it.

- The original plan was to spend the night at the church there and then come back the following day but those plans fell through so instead we all loaded up in the van again for a red eye midnight 4 and a half hour drive home. It was exhausting, but for a strange reason, very refreshing. The peace of the middle of the night allowed me time to myself and my thoughts which was very theraputic. I considered my summer, my past, and my future and it helped me come to grips with a lot of things.

- There's a knot in my stomach that needs to go away.

Begginings and Ends

Sorry bout the post. It is probably filled with mispellings and typos I don't feel like fixing. I may get around to it later. I don't feel like it now.

- My last Sunday at church done. Ever. Now that feels wierd because for the last couple years of my life has been dominated by a period of self rediscovery ignited and maintained through church. Ok maybe not forever but nonetheless, I'm no longer in the youth group at MABC and all the activities and focus that entitles. Its not a bad thing in the way that change isn't necesarilly a bad thing but just an odd thought. I think I've come to the point where I'm embracing the transition in my life and I'm almost looking foward to the change. Its not like my life right now is mundane, in fact its incredible, I feel like I'm living it to the fullest and I'm not missing anything, its just that a change of scenery and a new list of challanges await me and with God at my side I'm invincible to fear. God'll do what he wills with me. Its wonderful knowing I can just fall back on him and let him carry me to fullfil his will in my life.

- In other news I went skydiving today. Me, Jordan, and Tyler made a day trip out of it as the airport was located in Canon City Colorado near the Royal Gorge Bridge. Twice as far as Woodland Park, another summer destination. It was cool because from the plane we could see the gorge and the bridge. Anyway, it was fantastic. Exillerating. Liberating. (Insert Positive Descriptive Word Here). I even got a teeshirt. Suprisingly enough I wasn't remotely scared or nervous the entire trip with the exceptions being when I was hanging out of the plane attached to my instructor trying to wrap my legs under the plane against massive winds and on the plane ride up for the sole reason that the tiny plane had no doors and we had no seatbelts or seats so everytime the plane would dip a bit we'd scoot a couple inches towards a parachute free freefall to death. I won't lie, that was intimidating. I swear I'm not bragging. It wasn't that I wasn't scared because I'm a fearless animal. I think it was a combination of an instructer that made me feel completely safe at all times showing me that there was no way I could screw it up without trying and an excitement at the sheer madness and fun of what I was about to do along with the great story I'm gonna be able to tell for the rest of my life.

-I plan to do it again. Maybe not soon but probably anually. It was also good bonding time with the boys. One of the last times I'm gonna be seeing Jordan for a while along with a good bonding experience with Tyler, a guy I'm going to be seeing a lot of over the next couple of months. Its good going to college with a good buddy that can be a strong Christian influence in my life that I know has got my back.

- I'm so happy. I love life. Its beautiful.

I'm Frustratingly Stubborn

- So today was supposed to be the skydiving day but, as I learned, plans need to be flexible because they fell through. I called to get dirrections to the airport with every intention of going and my stomach must have fallen out of my stomach in disapointment when the man on the other end informed me that winds were too strong for a jump today. Too strong? Today was gorgeous! Does they get any better than this? Blue skys and, at least in Denver, nothing but a light breeze. Oh well. Thankfully Tyler is available on Monday as well so we reschedualed. Maybe it was not ment to be today anyway cuz this way my dad can go too as was his desire. That is if hes decides its worth the money.

- So, instead, I took a day to myself. Almost self-indulgence if you will. Kristen's back in Cincinnati and for whatever reason she was having a breakdown today, not that I blame her. Getting all this college stuff taken care of is pretty taxing on my composure as well. Anyway, I got one of those feel good feelings by cheering her up which in turn, rather cheered me up from the stress of having to deal with the poor skydiving customer service.

- After that I took off to buy some hoodies and winter clothes to take up with me to CSU. I may have looked like a loser shopping alone in the mall but really thats the way I prefer it. I never buy a lot or shop long but theres something about buying new clothes that clears my mind. Really, I'm not as girly as it sounds. Its really more the time by myself out of my house that provides the experience. I could be doing anything from taking a walk to messing around at Guitar Center and I'd get the same effect.

- Later after dinner my dad and I headed over to Eaglecrest and played some tennis with the Ingrams. I was serving really well which made me happy. Its frustrating hitting balls in the net or too far and getting some hard ones in consistently is important for my fragile ego and selfconfidence. The sunset was pretty cool too and for whatever reason they are very visable from the Eaglecrest tennis courts. Man, I love sunsets. Maybe a little too much.

- Tomorrow's my last week at church until whenever I visit home again. I'm going to be in Oregon the week after and I go up to school the week after that. My week next week is pretty crazy too. No rest for the weary as they say. Skydiving Monday, the praiseband has a concert Tuesday night getting back on Wednesday afternoon, Wednesday night volenteering for Christian youth day preparation and then Christian youth day itself is on Thursday. I leave Friday for Oregon than get back to leave again for college. Ahh college. That mysterious frontier of void emptyness to be discovered by Jay: Stage 3.

- Hangin on for dear life.

Life by the Drop

- This week so far has been a mix of lazy butt relaxing and spending time with Kristen with a little bit of friends in between. Tomorrow's my last day with her before she leaves for Cincinnati again. The people she's been staying with are sooo nice. They even fed me. Twice! Can't argue with that. Plus, they have two little kids Amanda and James are the ABSOLUTE cutest kids I've ever seen in my entire life. Little buckets of energy though. I just think I'm getting too old to keep up anymore.

- Skydiving is proving to be more of a hassel than expected to set up. Shaun Igo's gone AWOL and until I can get ahold of him the plans can't be finalized so thats been nagging on the back of my mind all week. Its like that "big hw assignment that I keep putting off that I'd love to get done exept for the fact I left my backpack at school and my inner procrastinater is arguing with my inner man of action as to weather I should go get it and time is running out" type of feeling.

- After that is Elitches day with the church which, to my extreme feelings of despair and anger at change, will be the last time I get to spend with my beloved MABC youth group that has treated me so well and nutured me in times of need. Really, its the last time we'll be together as a group. Sure, we got holidays and next summer but it just won't be the same. We'll be different people the second we take that first step on our college campus. Its just, life will be different without my comfy church cushion to soften my fall. Nonetheless I'm positive God's been telling me thats exactly what I need. He needs to lead me in to my spiritual desert where I can't do it on my own anymore and my suroundings provide no comfort to allow me to forget who runs the show. Thats when he can split the fishes and bread crumbs in to enough to sustain me in him.

- I leave the day after that for Oregon. I get back on the 17th and go to CSU on the 18th. Its going to be so relaxing hanging out by the cool Northwestern ocean on my last few days before college with nothing to let me forget the critical nature of this time in my life. It'll be good for me. A well timed transiton period if you will.

- I've developed a new found obsession in music in Stevie Ray Vaughan. So, with that I'll send you on you're way with the lyrics to his song "Life by the Drop". I recomend you find a way to listen to it because as far as songs go its an incredible one.

Stevie Ray Vaughan
"Life by the Drop"

Hello there, my old friend
Not so long ago it was 'til the end
We played outside in the pouring rain
On our way up the road we started over again

You're livin' a dream
Woh you on top
My mind is achin'
Lord it won't stop
Thats how it happens
Livin' life by the drop

Up and down that road in our worn out shoes
Talkin' 'bout good things and signin' the blues
You went your wayI stayed behind
We both knew it was just a matter of time

You're livin a dream
Woh you on top
My mind is achin'
Lord it won't stop
That's how it happens
Livin' life by the drop

No wasted time
We're alive today
Churnin' up the past
There's no easier way
Time's been between us
A means to an end
God it's good to be here walkin' together my friend

You're livin a dream
Woh you on top
My mind is achin'
Lord it won't stop
That's how it happens
Livin' life by the drop
That's how it happens
Livin' life by the drop
That's how it happens
Livin' life by the drop