Passing

I'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean
because I couldn't let go when the water hit the setting sun
passing white daisies taking turns
close the door walk into the street
catching raindrops on your tongue
and for a minute it all stops but it won't last man
it's just a passing moment gone
please slow it down

Sunset over Colorado Springs

- Zoom. Just like that July is almost over. I got back to Aurora from Ardmore, OK where I spent about ten days with Kimbre and her family for her brothers wedding. I'll spend about a day down here then head back up to Fort Collins to get my apartment all aranged. After that is work and blah blah blah. Lots of stuff. Its been a whirlwind of a month but its been good. I ended up getting to go to the Rocky Votolato concert in exchange for about 6 hours of sleep but it was worth every second. He was everything I hoped and more and I walked away with a signed vinyl and and experience I'll cherish for a good while.

- I planned on this being a detailed blog about all thats gone on but I'm aproaching 22 straight hours awake after a rough nights sleep so it may just have to wait till I have time to write it down in the physical notebook. I'm really happy though. My life's still good and I still have a ton to look foward to. Still.

High in the 90s

- Sand is everywhere. In my bed, in my computer chair, in my hair, on the floor, in my buttcrack. Ok, well not that one, a shower fixed that problem. It wasn't until just now that I realized I was still wearing the same pants I played volleyball in last night and because of this I'm like a walking sand shaker leaving grains wherever I go. I'm making a mess.

- I really enjoyed volleyball last night. Even though this July has been marked as more of transitionary month with the impending move only a day away and a big portion of my time has been devoted to sorting out things with that, I've still gotten a good summer experience out of it. My entire life I haven't giving summer due credit. I'm more of a fall kind of guy but I've been enjoying it more than normal this year. Its those little moments that define themselves as summer moments that have added a little boost to my overall mood this month. Watching the fireworks after a wild 18-17 Rockies game, seeing the sun shines through the trees down the Poudre river while tubing in the later afternoon, the aura of old town fort collins crowded with people during Brewfest, sitting on the roof launching fireworks into the warm night sky, lazy afternoons with Kimbre, sitting with the cat in the back yard as he chases around bees, the incredible sunsets over horsetooth casting sending rays through the dust from our volleyball games. It makes me happy just thinking about it.

- Its good that these things are giving me distractions from a costant cycle of packing, moving, and cleaning. But really, it hasn't even been so bad. The whole process has been very nostalgic for me. As I sorted through things that I hadn't looked at in almost two years when I moved into this house that once held high sentimental value for me, I couldn't help but trace my memories back to their origins and take a good hard look at where I've been. Its fun. I'll probably go through the same process as I go through them again to decide which I'm going to hang back up and select a few that I will get rid of for good, just to make my future moving process a little easier.

- Bring it on August.

What You Give

- Hmm... Maybe this actually will all come together. The weekend is looking more promising than originally thought, hopefully getting the apartment all squared away and if I'm lucky having a little bit of fun with the rest of time. Hopefully.

- I've been watching a lot of war movies recently. I'm not sure why I started but I'm really enjoying them. It reminds me of being a kid when my dad got back from the Gulf War. It reminds me of scouring the shelves of the public library looking for anything and everything I could get my hands on every Civil War, then WWI, then WWII book I could find. It reminds me of running around my apartment pretending I was in some crazy battle. It reminds me of making grand plans of joining the Marines when I turned 18. I'm glad I grew out of that one.

- I have a lot of respect for members of the military. Choosing to serve your country very rarely comes at no cost even if you never see combat. You put a lot of your personal ambitions on hold. Friends of mine in the military that serve without complaining of things they've given up and with no resentment for opportunities they may have forgone hold a special piece of my respect. In Jarhead, Jamie Fox's character was talking to Jake Gyllenhaal's charater and listing all the things he could have had if he didn't join the Marines; a six figure salary, spending everynight with his wife, a company truck, among many others. But he wasn't complaining because in his words, "I. Love. This. Job." I respect that. Its something to be admired and its the kind of selflessness I hope to have one day.

Positive Pride

- I had an awesome fourth of july weekend. It was ideal in that I walked away with a greater apreciation for my friends, my family, and my country. The weekend gave me a lot to look foward to in many aspects and that fact leaves me satisfied. Everything went smooth all weekend and now I'm pooped. So I'm signing off. God bless America.

The Meaning of Life?

- My notebook journaling recently has been going great. There’s something cathartic in just writing down my thoughts exactly as they are unfiltered. It’s nice having those things recorded too. I've had a good time throughout my life going back and reading my old entries, especially the ones from that journal and reliving how things were back then. Its healthy for me too, those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it.

- I miss Kimbre a lot. She’s camping with her upward-bound kids in Rocky Mountain National Park. No cell phone service there but I got to talk to her when I got off of work while she was in town which was really nice. My count up clock on my desktop says that we've been dating 200 days today. There’s no particular meaning to this landmark beyond just putting in perspective how far we've come. Things are going good with her. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.

- I don't understand myself sometimes. I'm an awkward mix of a lot of seemingly contradictory things. Social nature with loner tendencies. Love of faith and love of science. Excited about both my past and my future. And the one that really confuses a lot of people that get to know me real well; my cynicism despite my optimism. I can find good in almost any situation. Almost, there’s been a few times where its been hard for me but even then time offers a little insight into how God’s plan worked itself out like it was supposed to. But still, my belief in the power of an individual is weak at best. Everyone can't make a noticeable difference in the world. It’s unrealistically idealistic in a planet filled with billions of people to think that. Most people, like extras in a movie, are going to not matter much and chances are both you and I are in that number. Just like in a play not everyone can be the star. People are so eager for self-importance that the thought that, on the global scale, they're completely insignificant is crushing. Your vote, your recycled bottle, your donation, your opinion; none of them matter on a global or even national level.

- Very cynical I know, but it doesn't mean any of that is meaningless. Instead of the big picture I think people need to focus more on the medium picture; on the individuals that you do touch with your life. People sometimes need to pull their heads out of the clouds before they can really do any good. Your family, your friends, the girl you love, those that look up to you and learn from you. These people are where meaning lies. They represent your legacy and only through them can you become as big as your potential.

- This blog is a great example of my whole point. I don't have a huge readership, I know this. I'd be kind of creeped out if I did considering a lot of the content is personal issues with little effect on many others. But there are those who do; 20 or so people I can think of off the top of my head who have told me they read it somewhat consistently. And even though none of the things I write will be headlines, I don’t need them to be. As long as it adds something to your day I'm satisfied. My effect on history won't be huge, but if it’s positive I consider it all worth it.

- So, in a winding, round about, tangential kind of way, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you. If you're in my life you matter to me, probably more than you know.