The Sun's Gettin' Easier for Me to Look At

- My posts are getting less frequent. That's equal parts good and bad I guess. Probably a little more bad for reasons I won't waste time with. I guess if I had found better outlets it'd be just fine but as it is, said outlets are few and far between. Its kind of funny the strange places they show up though, in the people I never expect and the situations I almost overlook. Just keep chuggin I spose'. Things happen as they're supposed to.

- Anyway, tonight was great. The Rockies lost 13-1 but I spent the whole night hanging out with some of my true best friends in the world and I don't think they'd disagree with me saying we had a great time. The roadtrip to Lubbock planned for this weekend was canceled on account of Rockies games. I don't mind. There's nowhere else I'd rather be for these games than Colorado. Its just too bad the World Series had to fall on this weekend of all weekends though. I think the trip alone would have been really good for me; one of those mind clearing things especially since it was to Lubbock. I have so much history there. I love Fort Collins and its not like I'm dying to get out, but there's a freedom in the novelty of the open road that is uniquely American. Even just bike rides around town like I took in those first lonely couple of weeks this last summer is enough to give you a fresh perspective on things. Feeling like a stranger in your situation isn't always such a bad thing.

- I've really got my own things going on up here now. At times that really scares me. As if it indicates the old me is dead along with everything I loved attached to it. I don't want to get to philosophical or existential but when I really think about it I realize how fast life moves and how little things I thought were important once mattered I get overwhelmed and panic. Even things that really did matter back then don't now. I guess thats just the nature of life but its humbling and something in my pride really doesn't like being humbled. Life is beautiful but not beautiful in the way a girl is beautiful. Its beautiful in the way years of heartbreak and pain can pour out of a worn man's guitar. Beautiful in the way a funeral is beautiful. Beautiful in the way the soul and hope of a slave's song is beautiful. Depressing beautiful, I guess, but in a way that is uniquely wonderful.

- All you can do is hold on to the people that make you a better person be it staying close to them or keeping them in your thoughts and letting go of the people that make your world a little darker.

- Well, its past my bedtime and not setting limits in my sleeping habits has been hurting me recently so goodnight.

The Fever

- So the Rockies are a game away from the World Series. Can you believe that? I remember when I was eight and still a little boy living in Texas when I recieved my first piece of Rockies memoriabilia, an autographed baseball given to me by aunt living in Denver. I also remember going to games shortly after moving here and sitting in Coors field watching the Rockies play as the sun sets just over the mountains in left field. And then I remember years and years of losing and then getting disapointed as they got so hot too late these last couple years. And now they are one game out of the World Series. Its just flat out incredible.

- It's definitely an up in a semester of up and downs. I'm not in a down right now but I've never gone back and forth on a daily basis so often as I have over the last month or so. I have no idea what on earth is going on sometimes and whats most frustrating is I have no way of finding out. Just utterly powerless. I probably know that no news is bad news in this case but even as I write that I can just feel my pride physically reject the thought. And theres always that ever pesky whisper of doubt. No safety net this time though.

- Theres just something about October that messes me up. If I could only learn the value of not forcing a square peg into a round hole and just trusting the plan God has for my life I could save myself a lot of anguish I create over the stupidest things. Relax, Jay, honestly. Theres a lot going right for you right now. Live in that.

A Year Later

- Am I ever enjoying life. Fall is in full swing and the trees down Laurel are raining down golden leaves like big orange snow flakes. The air is a smooth 65 degrees nearly every day and the Rockies are tearing apart the playoffs. CSU, Texas, and the Broncos may all be sporting losing streaks but its not dragging me down too much. My flag football team lost a close match in the semifinals of the playoffs one game out of the finals after manhandling the first two teams we played. I think its safe to say we had a lot more fun than a lot of those teams too. The concert with Mal and Jessie was great and watching the Rockies play in the playoffs with some of my best friends in something I'm going to remember forever.

- My week of terror turned out to not hit me as hard as I expected. The psychologist leading my researched realized the emense workload she put on us and pushed back the deadline cutting our work into still big, but more manageable chunks. When I checked out the new deadlines revealed to me I was actually a couple hours of work ahead. As imposing as the week looked at the beggining, it really flew by. I just took it one worry at a time and I came out alright.

- Lifes not perfect, but it shouldn't be. If nothings ever on our minds bothering us things get boring. The hard times are harder too when you get used to not having anything to worry about.

- Its looking to be a classic Fall weekend with people comming over for the Rockies game tonight and maybe a corn maze tomorrow. I'm over the hump for this semester and the next couple of weeks should fly by pretty smooth up till finals.

- But now, I'm going to take a well earned nap.

The Miracle

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I'll start this post off with a warning that its really boring. Kinda just a play by play of my going ons recently. I hate writing them but enjoy reading them a little ways down the road to give me a little perspective on how much things can change and how fast they do so. This blogs for me not you so suck it up. Heart, Jay
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Phew. So here I am a week later. With the way the last few days went and how the next couple are going to go, its weird thinking that the week is almost over and tomorrow its the weekend. I feel like my weekend came in the middle of the week with the Rockies playoff games (which they won both or all three if you count the Padres game), flag football, Halo, my sleep schedual, and how little I studied and went to class. Don't worry, it was a slow week academically which allowed for my slacking off.

- The weekend doesn't feel so laid back though. As busy as it is I think I'm going to have to find some time in it for work. For my research alone I have roughly 20 hours of video to watch by next Thursday morning and when I finish all my observations there I need to rate the behaviors in the videos and then prepare feedback for the roughly 20 subjects I'm responsible for reporting. Somewhere in there I'm going to need to study for the multiple tests I have in the first half of the week and if I have time sleep. It chose a bad weekend too because I've got the Spill Canvas concert tomorrow with Mal and Britt and then Saturday is the homecoming football game with a Rockies playoff game at night; all three being once a year type of events that I'm not willing to miss just to get an overload of research work dumped on me done. I'm not too worried, just a touch overwhelmed. I'll just set my priorities well and I'll get the things done that need to get done.

- Mmm, if you ever want to melt my soul play me music with a little bit of a gospel touch or some tastful steel sliding guitar. Dariustx recently has been resonating on my mood. Good stuff. Bummer I'm the only who seems to like this kind of music. I eat it up like hot cakes.