Wait Out the Days

- God's got an unusual but spectacular sense of humor. Not in the Fruedian interpretation of humor (which, that fact alone dismisses psychoanalysis to me) and not even in the "Well, he created platypus haha durrr." No, thats just stupid and I hate it when people say those kinda stupid things. No, it's the little things in my life. The coincidences and happenings that put me in my place on a day to day basis that make me chuckle to myself in their irony.

- The job search has been rocky but hopefully within the next couple days it'll be over. My timing to start said search was poor seeing as it was towards the beggining of Memorial Day weekend and other complicating factors but I think I've done pretty well for myself considering. I might be spending the summer post June 16th in New Hampshire at a summer camp there. I had a phone interview today and she said I was the type they were looking for. This kind of makes me laugh cause when she asked me how my friends would describe me I told her "crazy", which most likely is the honest truth. Don't worry I recovered but that was probably a poor choice in words interviewing for a position working with kids. I'm not 100 percent thrilled with the idea of leaving Colorado for two months but there is a part of me that is real excited about the prospect of a life and resume enhancing adventure. Plus it'd be nice to have a solid 2 grand locked up for playing with kids all day.

- During the particularly slow parts of my days here I've been taking an initiative to have a few adventures of my own. For a little exercise and fresh air I've been hopping on my bike, pointing it in a random dirrection, just following whatever bike path or interesting looking avenue I wanted, and riding until I felt I was about ready to leave town and needed to turn around. Its taken me some interesting places. I've watched an entire office softball game just cause I was there. I gotta say, those men lead pathetic lives as proven by the inpropotional comptetitiveness to skill level ratio they were demonstrating. Yesterday my ride took me down a bike path out of Roland Moore Park to the quietest most peaceful little tree shaded creek I've ever seen. Of course I took the opportunity to nap in my little chi cave and it was spectacular. Today my ride took me to the local graveyard packed with visitors for Memorial day. It had to be the most festive looking I've ever seen a graveyard. I'll have to remember that for Memorial days to come. It was a true American moment and made me happy I live here.

- Other than that suppose I've found my summer niche. The pieces of the puzzle fall into place the way they're meant to I guess and sometimes it really is best just to let things run their course.

Long and Full of Spelling/Typing Errors. Enjoy.

- Today's post is long and all over the place as the best ones usually are.

- I'm back in Fort Collins after what turned into about a week in and around Aurora. I spent a little time this afternoon when I got back after Jessie's graduation emailing my resume in response to Rampoint job listings. I'll do a little more application work tomorrow and hopefully by the beggining of June I'll have a solid summer job locked up. I could be doing anything from waiting tables at a fishing resort in the mountains to interning through a temp agency at an HR firm. I realized as I was sending in all the applications that I'll really be happy with any job as long as its not fast food or retail.

- I'm planning on going to the midnight showing of the new Pirates movie with Tegan and Mallory tonight so I tried taking a quick power nap after I ate but my mind has been working so hard today that sleep just wasn't happening. Instead I just laid there and thought about, well, everything. I thought back on Audra and the place she's established in my life and history. I thought back on high school and how distant it seemed today at Jessie's graduation. I thought about my grandparents Hardy and how big of a role destiny seems to play in our lives. I thought about how the drive from Denver to Fort Collins seems to get shorter each time and how much I've established a second life up here.

- And finally I thought about happiness. Its something I've been chewing over quite a bit the last few days and I think I'm coming to some sort of realization. Up camping in the mountains Jeff and I walked away from camp across the mountain a bit to see if we could get a better look at the sunset over Estes and we both came to the conclusion that, so far, this has been one of the best summers ever for both of us. I meant it and this confuses me. It really has been a great summer, but I can't think of a single solitary moment where I was estatic or extra-ordinarially happy. This seems almost counter intuitive. To make it great wouldn't it need an equally great highlight moment?

- And all of a sudden the whole concept of happiness became a bit more clear to me. People that win the lottery are unable to sustain the thrill of when they won and suddenly even millions of dollars isn't enough to keep them happy because their bar of demands raised to meet their new income. So many people these days live to try to maintain a super high level of well-being or live their lives working hard so that one day they might be able to "trade in their chips" for all their hard work. I mean, thats the whole concept of retirement. But I think they're going about it all wrong. The secret to happiness is consistency and learning to be happy in the day to day things. We shouldn't live life for the good times ignoring the bad times as that filler between the good times. We should learn to love them all good and bad if for no other reason than the fact that we're living. Happiness is knowing that no matter how things get, I'm gonna be ok. And you know what, I feel that over this past year I've finally realized that. I'm gonna be ok, life is going to go on, the world doesn't stop moving. As bad as things can sometimes be, they always can, and will, be better. And there's a lot of hope in that.

- Sorry for the babble. I felt it had been awhile since I had an intellectual beltch and doing so can be theraputic.

Summertime

- When I imagined this summer this wasn' it. Thats a good thing I guess. I'm of the breed of people who deals with potentially hard/boring/undesirable situations by imagining the worst possible scenario in a situation and comparing it to what actually happens. I always assumed that this was bad but was relieved to hear in my classes that psychologically this approach is actually just as effective as optimism. Hmm. Thats probably only interesting to me so I'll move on.

- Anyway, its been an interesting summer. I've sat on the roof of one of the nicest houses I've ever been in in the mountains near Golden and played guitar and joked around with old priceless friends, I've spent quality time with my family and watched my sister finish up her highschool career, I drove halfway across the city just to play volleyball and barbeque with college friends and loved every minute of it despite painful gas prices, I've spent several hours shooting the breeze with new friends despite my intentions to collect a hoodie I left at their apartment and be on my way, and I've spent an entire day without leaving my room or changing once. All over the course of about a week and a half. A lot more to come too. Nothing to really complain about. It feels like the summer of my senior year of high school with more substance. I could really use another trip to the Oregon beach too. I should find a way to shoot my grandma a note about that.

- I'm slowly starting to realize that I have a lot of life left to live.

- PS, side note. In the middle of writing all this, roughly 11:20 at night I heard the doorbell ring. It was a cop. Cliff and Stephen pranked my yard, and my neighbors called the cops on them. The cop tried to see if I knew them and could give her a description so they could catch them. I told I have no idea who did it and she was kinda peeved. Moral of the story, they owe me one.

Portland is Leaving

Come along with me now

cause there are things I've been dying to tell you
the best of the worst things that you never needed to know
this is the kind of comedy where no one's laughing, cause it's hard to
I'm a punch line who's punch-drunk with my fist in a broken mirror
there's a party nearby
I can hear laughter in the distance and it all comes clear
sounds too simple
love is the only answer

-

- I probably use this thing to plug music a little too often, but this one is worth it. Rocky Votolato, a musician I've known for awhile through one of his songs that I got off a mix is quickly climbing the charts of my favorite music after I took a better look at some of his other songs. His lyrics are good, not great, but man do they sound good when he sings them. Seriously. The lyrics above are from Portland is Leaving. They need to be listened to be appreciated. He could probably read the dictionary while playing and I'd like it. There are few songs that are still too political for me to swallow but I can look past that after listening through Montana a few times. And his unique campfiresk guitar playing relaxes me faster than a hearty dosage of Tylenol PM... in a good way.

- Things are good though. There are too many fun things going on this summer. It makes it hard for me to take seriously a dedicated job search, something I still haven't started. It’s terrible. At least this year I'm not in debt up to my eyeballs and aeration was good to me this season so I'll be ok for a little while. No room for me to become nostalgic though. What I need is a good, hard, slow, boring day to light the fire under my butt. It'll happen soon enough. I'm actually kinda excited to get back to not feeling like such a bum.

- Happy mothers day. I love my mom. A lot. I got lucky. I know everyone thinks their mom is special but mine is special in a one of a kind, she was made to be my mom (or rather I guess I was made to be her son) kinda way. Hopefully some day I can return the favor.

3am

- Wow. 3 in the morning. I should probably go to bed but instead I'm gonna blog. My summer break tonight may not have gotten off to a start with a bang, but it got started with a fizzel, which I love, cause I hate loud noises. Nights like this should be used by me as a reference to keep from feeling lonely because I had a lot of fun doing things I enjoy doing. Good friends, old and new are going to be there for me this summer and I don't need a thing more than what I have.

- Warm weather, the drive in, people to drive me around like a personal taxi, guitar sessions during warm afternoons on my porch, Disneyland (haha), wii baseball, bad pictures, chances I need to take, bridges I need to rebuild, good test grades, tight socks, late night television, wishing there was more time in a night, card games, people that "get it", funny looks, and cowboy hats. All these things define my night and show me why there's no reason for me to be anything but happy. Life is good. Real good. I never thought this is where I'd be but I like it.

- Enough already though. Goodnight.

In My Chevette

- I would just like to announce that as of today, (well yesterday since its one in the morning) my life is complete. On the way to the library tonight to study with Lindsay, I came up to a four way stop at which all four cars arrived simultaneously. Then, almost as if we had planned it, all four blinkers went on at the same time; all to the right. Again, almost as if planned, all four cars turned right at the exact same time as I let out a triumphant sigh. Words don't do this event justice. It was beautiful. Poetry. Like synchronized swimming but less gay. This has been a life long dream of mine since I was sitting through my drivers ed classes 16 years old, bored, and creating a bunch of hypothetical what ifs to help me pass the time. Ok, so by definition that makes it not lifelong. Sue me.

- Driving has been doing a lot for me recently. Saturday night before poker I was driving to Chipotle after it had been raining all day and there, canvassed against a dark grey sky was a full rainbow beginning to end, with no breaks or variations of color. The street was wet and the sidewalks seemed almost calmed and relaxed coated in a thin layer of moisture. There was enough of a break in the clouds to highlight the sky and the buildings in that gorgeous color right before sunset. The scene was seriously one of the most beautiful I'd ever seen. It was the kind of moment that makes you stop in your tracks and just soak it all in. I wasn't alone in noticing it either as everywhere people walking on the sidewalks stopped to stare at the sky.

- Then tonight, a little before the miracle of the four way stop with John Mayer pouring out the speakers I just sat and reflected as I drove at how I'm one test away from being halfway done with college. And I realized that this fact doesn't make me sad or make me happy. I also realized that this fact, for me, is ideal. If I was happy or sad about the idea then I think I would have had to have either been wasting my time here, which would make me sad, or the years would have been just dragging on making me happy I'm hitting a milestone. Neither is true. I never thought that I could reach a point where I had no regrets. I always assumed I was doomed to live in a world of what could have been's and what won't be's, but that wouldn't be fair to what I have now. My life is different, things have an impeccable way of changing, but it’s defiantly not worse. The past is boring, it’s already happened. The future is where our focus should be. We don't get much time here and it sometimes feels like mine is slipping away, but who needs more time when you're living what you have now to the fullest? Everyday I get a new lesson in what it is to be human and God knows that alone is one of the greatest gifts a person can have.

- I hope I never forget that.

Halfway Mark

- With summer break less than a week away I'm finally starting to be able to comprehend life after the semester and into break. I've got to say though I'm really unsure about what its going to be. I'm so torn between wanting to be in Aurora but not wanting to have to settle for some lame job that actually takes people for only 3 months. The job situation along with the fact that I'm still going to be paying rent here makes it a simple decision to make to stay here but I guess I'm just nervous of the implications because there's a part of me that needs an extended break from Fort Collins. It doesn't help that gas is over three dollars a gallon now making frequent visits expensive.

- I guess it won't be too bad though, a lot of my friends here are in the same situation I am so at least I'll have some company. Hopefully I can get a job with a lot of people my age to help keep me occupied.

- In other news all my hard work has paid off. Right now I'm sitting in a situation where theoretically I could pull off straight A's, but more realistically I'll end up with about half and half A's and B's. Granted I still have finals to worry about but its nice that the pieces are falling into place. Considering my best semseter gradewise in college came during the semester where I'm taking the max credits allowed by the university is encouraging.