- Ahh. Late night posts. I miss these. I do them a lot more commonly when I'm home and its quiet sitting in that big blue recliner where I've done some of my best thinking over the years. I hope when my parents decide to upgrade recliners, so like in 40 years, that they let me have it. That stupid chair means a lot to me. But alas I'm in Fort Collins and while nice, this computer desk settup isn't remarkably comfortable so I end up cutting a lot of these short just cause I get tired and my bed is about 4 feet away inviting me to a rollercoaster of dreams that have given me some great stories in the past. I have a feeling that won't be a huge problem tonight.
- So heres what I've been thinking about:
- I love my friends and am lucky to have some of my best living in the same house with me. The three of us make each other laugh and keep each other busy. Jared texted me out of mid air today and when I got the chance we chatted and something in his style of communication made me feel like he was right here with me instead of in Aurora. Tiff called. I was playing football so I missed her call but she left me a nice message and I hope I can get the chance to call her back soon. The two of us have an incredible connection and even though we only talk about once a month or, I struggle to think of many other people that I trust more. Since the day we met and started talking last summer she's done nothing but good for me in a pure selfless way. There are selfish people in my life. Shes not one of them. Jordan. Thanks for the comment man. We should start calling each other more since I'm getting over my fear of the phone. I miss you buddy. Not many people know me or understand where I'm coming from like you. From our competitiveness to love of music we're creepily similar. When you get back from Europe we're gonna tear it up. I didn't mean this to be shout out section. These are just all people that have crossed my mind today caring for me.
- My niche is right where I'm at. I am where I belong. No problems there. This is unusal in our individualistic society. I'm ok with being weird.
- I also like who I am. I'm not trying to be arrogant. I'm not saying I'm anything greater than anybody. It makes me sick that I'm discovering that I belong in a small way to the school of humanistic psychology, which I've always seen as fuzzy, sappy, anti-scientific, hippy crap that gives psychology a bad name. But I strain to think of many ways that my ideal self and actual self are separated. I like to think that most of the time I interact with people the way I should and that I make good decisions that don't cause hard rest on my mind. I've even recently come to terms with a lot of regrets I had that apparently took years to gain proper perspective on. Maslows self-actualized person is something I've always seen as an ideal since I first learned about it in my basic level psych classes. I think that while I may not be there, I'm as close as I can be given my situation. Every day is a gift. I do my best not to waste it being down on my situation even when it sucks. And sometimes it really sucks.
- That whole paragraph sounds really cocky to me. It shouldn't be. I'm self-confident. For better or for worse thats how I am. It hasn't always been that way but I'm glad it is now.
- I miss Lake Champlain. Its weird. I've only been there twice but I left a part of me on its shores that I need to go get back someday.
- Faith isn't stupid. Academia will tell you otherwise. I also think academia is prideful and lacks a soul. The soul is where faith comes in.
- Sports are beautiful. Win or lose it brings people, typically but not always male, together and gives people something to share even when they can't find anything else.
- People can be really selfish and selfabsorbed sometimes. I think selfishness can describe about 80% of things people do. This includes me, people I like, people I love, and people I don't. We're selfish creatures. Bossy too. Go figure. Nothing I can do about it but live my life as I would anyway.
- Spring, while not my favorite, is the most exciting season of the year. One of my favorite parts about my job is that everyday I get to travel through the Oval there and back and watch it slowly wake up. Thanks to the recent rain and snow its been a sight to see this year.
- Sometimes I feel like the universities in America are there just to skim off the best and the brightest for the purpose of changing the world and the rest of the graduates just get a consolation prize of a degree for playing along. Whatever, I'll take it.
- And finally I've recently thought that many things I do, stick to, choose, or otherwise give a part of myself time, emotions, or otherwise seem to end up a waste of time or meaningless. Sisyphian tasks in the most depressing sense of the term. What I've come to terms with, however, is that they all have meaning in the big picture, even when I can't see it. So I'll keep pushing that stupid boulder til' I just don't have the strength anymore and it crushes me.
- And thats it. Its a smattering of random thoughts on pointless things. Welcome to my mind.
Sooner or later you'll see what I mean.
